Infinity More Monkeys

Giving it away

2012-01-31T15:52:00.002-05:00

I'm honestly not sure how it is possible that, despite knowing all day long that today was January 31st, and in fact anticipating and planning for today (the birthday of my first and best friend since childhood), it only JUST struck me that it's the last day of the month. That January has in fact already come. and. gone. Tomorrow, a new month. Effortless, and in fact fairly frightening in how smoothly and effortlessly it has just slid by.

Is it the weather? Is it this weird non-winter winter where it was, today, 51 f.? Is January usually a month that seems to take a lot longer to pass because it's usually so cold and snowy and miserable? Seriously, I can't figure this out. Where did the month go?

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't go the whole *resolutions* route this year, given that I've somehow let 4 weeks just evaporate on my watch.

Oh well.

I'm trying to give something away every day; not exactly a resolution, although it can on some days connect to the whole clear-out-the-house-of-unnecessary-stuff project. And it doesn't have to be a "thing" -- I can give a kindness, give way to another driver, make eye contact with the security guard (or grocery clerk or other person in a job that tends to render him or her invisible to most) and wish him a nice afternoon. I gave away several full-to-the-brim shopping bags of art and craft supplies to a friend at work with young granddaughters; I had all kinds of beautiful beads and feathers and paints and paper and really, just loads of beautiful things that Dean has outgrown or passed over. It felt so good to send everything off, knowing it would be used and loved. The funny thing, the wonderfully funny thing, is that my friend went out and got me some special tea and the perfect tea mug and some fuzzy socks (to know me is to know how much I love fun socks) -- funny what comes back when you give things away.

Change

2012-01-19T17:54:00.002-05:00

I've been slow on the whole new year's resolutions thing this year; older and wiser, maybe, about how real change happens? Less concerned with deadlines, and embracing the ability and right to start fresh at any time? Avoidance of acknowledgment of the passing of time? All parts of whatever the truth is.

One thing that will be true of this 2012 I've got in front of me is change. Lots will change, whether I want it to or not. Dean will graduate from 8th grade and go on to a new high school (not that I don't want that to happen, but there's a lot of emotion around it). I've done all the hard work (checking out schools, getting the applications in, going on the visits and interviews) and so now we're all just waiting for the decisions from the schools, and our own decision.

Lots will change that will require real effort from me to make it happen. We'll be moving to a new house this year, one way or another. And within that, I can also see the need for making little, daily changes that will add up to my feeling pretty delighted at the end of this year (getting organized, completing some craft projects, reconnecting with old friends). I need to keep pushing myself along, and I need to be careful not to hide from the small changes behind the big ones.

Do you sometimes find yourself dragging your heels in the face of change? I'm trying not to get stuck in resistance, but to be renewed by pushing through and embracing. That's what I think this year is going to be all about.

5x7 Folded Card

2012-01-16T17:10:00.002-05:00

Because I really cannot resist Valentine's Day, and need a next holiday to prepare for!

Picture In Landscape 5x7 folded card

Tell them you love them with Shutterfly Valentines cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Better

2012-01-11T17:41:00.002-05:00

Dean does not have strep throat. This is a big relief to me, even as I acknowledge to him that "not having strep," and "feeling 100% better" are two entirely different things. He definitely has a cold, and with it some variety of virus that's particularly awful on the throat.

He felt too sick to go to school yesterday, and I know that I can totally trust him in this regard -- that if he's says he's too sick to go to school, it is true. I looked at my own work schedule for the day and, given that I was already dressed and prepared, thought that I perhaps should leave him with clear instructions and go on to work. Again, I know I can trust him, and I know that he's comfortable and capable managing a day on his own.

But then I reflected -- in an instant -- on how wonderful it is to be taken care of when you're sick, and how incredibly short the window of time in your life is when someone DOES actually stay with you and take care of you. Has there ever been a time in your adult life when you've been miserably sick and you haven't wished that your mom or dad were there to take care of you? Isn't it always what you wish for?

And so I stayed home with him and made him scrambled eggs, and hot tea with honey; I played board games and watched some tv with him, and sat reading next to him while he read. I wrapped him in blankets and got his pillows for him and made him put down his book and close his eyes for a while (*just in case* some sleep might follow!). And he, even he who is growing up and becoming independent and wanting to do things himself, was grateful.

Raising a teen is an interesting journey. I think it's challenging to balance giving and expecting independence with giving support. No, not babies any more, but still not adults. It's OK to want both things, I tell him -- to want to do it yourself and to want help. And so that's the journey we keep taking together.

366

2012-01-01T13:16:00.002-05:00

A fresh set of 366 days to do with what we will.

The size of a year

2011-12-31T12:01:00.025-05:00

Letting go on New Year's Eve is always hard for me; how can, really, another year have passed? How did I let it slip away without doing (insert impossibly long list here of things I thought I should have done)? I have found that it helps, in good years and even in awful ones, to go through the images and use them as a guide to remembering what was and to think about what could be, in the year ahead. I also always realize at about this point -- 3:00 in the afternoon -- that I should have started this a few days ago in order to do it justice, but I guess it's an honest reflection of me that "done" counts for enough. Maybe next year I'll start sooner and be more eloquent, but without further regret I trip through the 2011 that was:

January

SO much snow last winter! It's amazing to think that a year ago today we were pretty much snowed in.

Going from the top of our steps near the driveway...

...to the bottom, in an instant, gleefully.

A trip to Boston with family to see the Cirque du Soleil show Dralion, and a lunch out.

The mountain of snow at the end of the driveway; the last bit did not melt until June. By this point, really, we were so tired of snow and storms and especially of shoveling that we couldn't imagine we'd ever see green again.

February
More snow, and you know it's serious when even your snow-loving 12-year-old is fed up.

Dean absolutely shone in his class' production of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream,' and he was particularly proud of having mastered a Shakespeare play.

Silliness on my birthday, as usual.

Dean baked my cake, and...
...even handled the decoration.

I've never had a better birthday cake (it was chocolate cake with mocha frosting).

March

Everyone was so thankful to see shoots pushing their way up and the snow receding. Still had some storms, but spring felt miraculous this time around.

A typical mid-winter morning at our house.

April
The soccer season began again and Dean was a new man on the field. Suddenly much more aware of the bigger picture on the field, much more aggressive to the ball, and much better at making good decisions once he got the ball. His team went all the way to the semi-finals in their division. This picture captures Dean as a mid-fielder -- surrounded by opponents but faster to the ball.
Turning 13 didn't change his personality or his passions.

We took him on his first trip to New York City; not a fan of heights, he really hated the top of the Empire State Building (it was a windy, chilly day)...

...but finding the Balto statue in Central Park made up for it. We each had our list of places to visit this trip.

And April was the month that my photos were published in this book; still an experience unlike any other for me. I thought I'd spend more time on photography this year than I did -- taking the time to do real work, rather than family-life snapshots. A reminder for 2012, then.

May

The garden was spectacular this year, and although I wouldn't have thought it at the time, I think all the winter snow must have helped bring forth flowers, like this one, that haven't come up in our yard for years.

We held Dean's birthday party in May -- a rock-wall climbing extravaganza.

June

My beloved peony, which was gorgeous in a new way daily.

We did a lot on the house this year, as I think about it. New paint job and carpet in the family room, which made Dean decide that going without any furniture could be a great way to live (expect of course this is where the tv lives, and the Wii, and maybe he *would* like to see that get set up again, after all...). Re-did the first floor bathroom (and forgot to take "before" photos and still haven't taken "after" ones), replaced the dishwasher (still waiting for delivery) and the washing machine (ugh).

The day after school was out, Dean and I headed down to Springfield, Missouri to visit my brother and his wife. Driving the boat was one of Dean's many firsts on the trip.

Me, my brother, and the biggest fish I caught all week.

Blanchard Springs Cavern, in Arkansas, is a staggeringly beautiful place -- mile after mile of caverns so detailed and varied and huge (note the staircase on the lower left) that you cannot believe it's real.
The original Steak & Shake, in case you're the sort who's impressed by such things (burger and fries and chocolate shake heaven).

My brother asked if there was anything special I wanted to do this trip, and I said I wouldn't mind stopping at a flea market or two. There is no one in the world who spoils me more, or goes as far out of his way to treat me, than my brother; I couldn't tell you how many places he took me. It seemed every time we got in the car, we *just happened* to be going by some place or other that he knew of. Dean was a trooper, and I adored it.

Mini-golf in Branson, and then too quickly...
...at the airport saying "goodbye." I so seldom see my own family that the saying goodbye is brutal for me. This was such a wonderful trip.

And the delights of June were far from over! While we were in NYC, Ken ordered us tickets for the US Men's Team vs. Spain, played right here in Massachusetts. Aside from the big smiles, please note Dean's height relative to mine in this picture. You'll understand why in November.

Can't believe I got to see Fernando Torres play,
nor that we got to see the actual World Cup trophy. Spain beat the US soundly, of course.

The spring season wrapped up for Dean. The kid on the right shows what it's like to have to try to move the ball against Dean, who had just stolen in and given it enough of a boot so that he could race to it and send it. Poetry in motion.

July

This was the month of summer camps for Dean, and work for me. We stopped for an ice cream the afternoon I picked him up from his one sleepover camp -- the rest were local day camps.

Madelyn Lori was born in June to our wonderful niece and her husband. She and Dean bonded instantly, and he showed his sweet tenderness in a whole new way.

We spent a lot of time reconstructing Lego sets that Dean was ready to part with, and sold them on ebay. Looking forward to a bit more of this next year -- the clearing out and selling, but not so much the painstaking task of reconstruction.

August

More unexpected wonders from our garden; I hadn't even planted morning glories this year, and that rose hasn't bloomed in recent memory.

We treated Ken to a night in Boston for his birthday, thinking that the mid-week break from commuting would be welcomed (he still had to work).
My attempt at a Dear Photograph project; for this one I'd say, "Dear Photograph, I can remember so clearly taking him here to visit the "Make Way for Ducklings" duck statues and he'd gleefully do his own little re-telling of the story for me, but it's hard for his teen-aged self to remember."
Fair enough, right? (You CAN see the smile behind that hand, can't you?)

September

Back to school, and almost instantly off on a hiking trip to the White Mountains. Apparently I didn't mark the freak hurricane (Irene) that passed through and left us without power for 4 days at the beginning of the month.
Back to it with the fall season (I do miss it, when we're not spending beautiful Saturdays on a pitch somewhere).

An impromptu trip into Boston to see Quidam , another Cirque du Soliel show (and another part of Ken's birthday celebration).

Not as much golf this year as we would have liked -- Ken worked most weekends and was exhausted on the few days he had off -- but we still managed a trip to our favorite local course.

Never enough walks in the woods, either, but we did our best to get out as often as we could.

October

Arthur, King of the Britons did quest for sugary treats on Halloween...

...only hours after we got power back after being out, yet again, for 4 days because of a freak October snowfall. Not that much, but heavy and wet and capable of pulling down power lines throughout the region. It was warmer outside on the steps than it was in the house at this point.

Well, it's a major part of our lives, what can I say? For the fall season he was switched from midfield to defense and he was brilliant. Truly. Not just what his mother would say -- his coach said so, too. (He's just managed to force this bigger kid off the pitch with the ball, forcing the turnover for his team. Brilliant, eh?)

We had tickets to see our local MLS team, the New England Revolution, play the Seattle Sounders (got to see Casey Keller play before retiring at the end of the season). But Dean had a party to go to and so we went on without him; he is growing up and becoming his own person, apart from us. And while we miss him, we cheer him on his own journey.

November

NOT too old, however, for the essential sport of fall.

Our commute to school is barely 8 minutes long, but these days for Dean that's enough time to get some reading in. He's always got books going.
And board games. The cooler fall weather is a welcomed reminder to get the games back out again.
Another visit with Maddie and her parents, while celebrating an early Thanksgiving with Ken's parents. No one asked him to keep her entertained, but there wasn't anything else he'd rather do.

Our walk on Thanksgiving...

...and proof of how much he's grown this year. He was still shorter than me back in June, but now he's clearly taller. I'd hoped this was still a few years off; I can't quite explain why or how it makes me feel older and short (I'm 5'8").

December
Best friends, okay? He's wondering when we're going to get to see her again.

We've been making gingerbread houses together since, I think, he was two. This was the first year he handled construction on his house entirely on his own...

...with gorgeous results. He always declines having lights in his, but I think next year he's going to go for it.My house, which Ken thinks looks like a library he'd like to visit.

My mom made these mice for me several years ago, when she was still able to get around well enough and see well enough to knit. She'd always ask me what I wanted for gifts and I'd always say I most wanted her to make me something. Although she valued the handmade, she de-valued her own work and always wanted to buy me something. I'd tell her that nothing meant more to me than what she made, and I am so grateful to have the things she made for me -- there's nothing she ever could have bought me that I would have loved more. (My own little polar bear quilt is under this mousie's feet.)

Finally got ourselves back to the Fatima Shrine this year for the breathtaking lights. They play etheral music throughout the park -- very old, Gregorian-sounding music that makes the experience very wonderfully serious and solemn while still joyful. We lit candles for those loved ones we've lost, and allowed ourselves to feel that heartache for those we wish we were still celebrating with this Christmas.

Dean sang, as always, in the school winter concert and as always he was one of the only boys' voices you could actually hear. (I don't mind that he's not following the current hair fashion at school -- just sayin'.)

Christmas Eve dinner.

Christmas morning is magic. Always.

This is how I think of these two lately -- always up to something and laughing.

And so it comes to an end. I need to go prepare our New Year's Eve dinner, and get ready to drive Dean to a friend's house. He's going to a party, but I'll be bringing him back home in time to see the ball drop in Times Square and to usher in 2012.

A week to go

2011-12-18T20:11:00.002-05:00

After a rousing start to the month I have fallen behind, but it's all right. We're off from school now, Dean and I, so I've got a week to catch up to whatever point we get to and that will be good. We're in the midst of having the bathroom on the main floor of our house re-done -- the one where our laundry machines are -- so aside from having everything all crazy mid-construction, I'm also without a washer or dryer. The dishwasher has been broken since 11/11 (Sears will send a guy for the THIRD time and we'll see what difference that makes). So what would usually be a hectic time anyway is even more crazy. I'm told the bathroom will be done by end of day Tuesday; dishwasher guy comes on Wednesday. Here's hoping.

Yesterday we went to celebrate Christmas with Ken's parents, our niece and her husband, and their baby daughter. Maddie and Dean adore each other; really, does anything else matter?

December Daily Two

2011-12-03T15:52:00.002-05:00

I'm still trying to figure out the line between reporting/recording my own daily life, and keeping the focus of this album on the season; my guide is continually asking whether the memory would be interesting to us as a family in a few years as opposed to something just for me (which I have other places I can record). This spread has a center strip (the red floral design seen from this side)...
that flips over so you can see all of the second page. The "first class" envelope image is available here for free (along with so many terrific images!).

December Daily One

2011-12-02T09:45:00.002-05:00

First pages for my December Daily album. Not sure how much I want to load them up with stuff, so I've decided to go a little lean and figure I can add more in later if I need to. Not all uptight about have each day record EXACTLY the events of that day because the reality is that most days this month will be pretty regular -- work, school, errands, chores. So I'm trying to blend some of the Christmasy stuff with the every day and I'll see where it takes me.

The feeling of satisfaction of being on-schedule (after one whole day! woo-hoo!) is marred by my inability to turn up one of the gifts I bought several weeks ago that I needed TODAY so I could ship a box off to Ireland. I pulled everything apart, I looked over and over again, I rummaged in my brain for that image I have of having SEEN the bag not long ago... and nothing. Had to swap around other gifts because I want to at least get this box in the mail -- and maybe giving up will be the secret to have the damned thing re-appear (and I can give it to someone from whom I've just raided). I hate this; I hate not being in control and on top of things.

Breathing deeply. Letting it go. Moving on.

Sparkling

2011-11-29T20:37:00.002-05:00

Something about the season is helping to rekindle my spirit and energy. Feeling a shade more my old self -- getting things done, making gifts, baking cookies, days merry and bright. Hope I can hold on to it.

Embracing it

2011-11-27T08:18:00.003-05:00

We celebrated Small Business Saturday yesterday by venturing out to our local favorite, Harvey's Farm, to get our Christmas tree.

"Cedrick the Cedar," his name tag said. Fat, fragrant, and fresh.

The whole getting-the-tree-early thing isn't a long-standing tradition for us. Last year, when I looked over our December weekend schedule, I realized that if we didn't get the tree right after Thanksgiving then we'd be hard-pressed to get it at a time when it wasn't going to feel frantic -- that the decorating process would be a stressful chore rather than a joy. Rather than allowing that to happen, we ignored our "it's too early!" feelings and brought home a beauty.

On our way over to the farm, I asked if we were going to buy food for the animals. "No thanks!" Dean said. "You're never too old to feed the animals...." I replied. Turns out I was right; Dean just couldn't pass up the bag of food at the check-out counter and I love that about him. I also love the way he's very particular about the process -- just a little bit for the pig, and the most for the smallest goats (who get pushed out of the way by the pig and larger goats, so it takes real strategy).

I also took advantage of the very warm weather to get outdoor lights on our bushes; never got around to that last year. The older I get, it seems, the more I am able to see "Christmas" not as one day but as a season, and the more I embrace everything that leads up to it and is a part of it. I don't feel I'm rushing it, I feel I am luxuriating in it. What could possibly be merrier than that?

Scenes from an American holiday...

2011-11-25T14:15:00.002-05:00

...and a lovely one, at that. I thankful for the opportunity to pause, to reflect, to revel.

Stillness

2011-11-15T17:29:00.002-05:00

I want to pause and quiet my own thoughts long enough to take in, and be changed by, the gentle calm of fall. It isn't easy, with the chimes of the upcoming holidays (which sometimes sound like sirens) ringing in my head.

Trusting

2011-11-13T08:47:00.005-05:00

This lovely little family strolled through our yard this morning, helping themselves to seeds and to the breadcrumbs we scattered underneath the bird feeder.

There seem to be many more wild turkeys around here in the past couple of years; that always makes me wonder what conditions have shifted. Fewer foxes and coyotes?

And what was especially charming, in their own turkey-lurkey way, was that when I opened the front door to take these pictures they just froze and stared at me. I sometimes hesitate to make the run to get my camera when we have interesting wild life in the yard because I figure that by the time I get the camera and then open the door, the visitors will scatter. But these 4 were taking their time, and clearly their first instinct in reaction to some danger is to freeze and see if their camouflage will protect them. Makes sense since they don't have flight or speed on their side.

We did, for the record, attempt to get some raking done yesterday...
...but it was so windy that we gave up after having only done a small area and figured it made sense to let the wind do whatever rearranging it was going to do and then to put our own hands to it after things settled down (maybe today?).

So the boys did their own kind of quasi-American Gothic for me, and then Ken wanted to return the favor--

See how Dean doesn't look that tall when he stands next to Ken, but then he's my height when he stands next to me and thereby makes me look short? Sigh.

Getting ready for December Days

2011-11-11T12:59:00.015-05:00

I have been admiring, for several years, Ali Edwards' December Daily projects; she scrapbooks a little something for the 1st through the 25th of December. Now, my own record with any kind of daily anything hasn't been good. I eagerly bought all kinds of *stuff,* thinking that would be the motivation to get me to follow Ali's "Week in the Life" project. I picked a week in April of 2009 and my friends, that project (seven simple days' worth o' pages) is limping toward the finish line. Again, this whole December thing really had me wanting to buy the gorgeous products that Ali and her followers make just. so. appealing. But I decided to take a deep breath, comb through everything I already owned, and ultimately go with a format that I use all the time and that wouldn't cost a dime (more about that at the end -- the format and binding).

So I was embarrassed -- absolutely mortified -- at the amount of *stuff* I already had on hand for this project. Glad to the core of my being that I didn't go ahead and buy anything for this. Ali says that the key to success is to have foundation pages made before the month begins, so here is the rundown of my pages. That first photo, above, is the page one that you'll see when you open the cover (covers have yet to be made). There will be no plastic pages; each page or element will simply get bound at the end. The *Christmas* box is cut from a catalog; I love to use ephemera from catalogs, magazines, etc.
I hope no one will want to know details on the products I used, because mostly this stuff is so old that it's long been separated from its packaging. Below is the spread for Day One, with the number stamped onto a gift tag:

Day Two features one of this year's Christmas cards (always like to order those early), and a photo element that is based on an idea of Ali's....

Throughout the journal, I'll use several of these "Christmas past" elements as a way to incorporate old photos, family, etc. The other challenge (aside from actually DOING it) that I foresee for this project is that with Dean being 13, and Ken and I working, there won't be a holiday event to record every day. Therefore I want to be able to make this a memory book to highlight things about past Christmases, as well as the family we don't have with us any longer. Not thinking about that in a melancholy way, more like wanting to celebrate those days gone by. I only have a few of these "Christmas past" elements in on these foundation pages, but I'll make more as it seems appropriate along the way.
I tried to keep an eye on the day of the week for each date, and this spread is the first weekend in December during which I hope to do some baking. I can tell you that the cookie letters came from Lettering Delights.

Sorry the photos are kind of dark and off for color -- I tried! The sixth is St. Nicholas Day, which I noted on the "6" tag (an old one from Elle's Studio, with these being the current ones), and then
I stapled on this ribbon piece. Some of the pages were plain white on the back, so I adhered them to the next page (adhered two pages together, back-to-back) which allowed me to do things like use staples and having the back sides hidden between pages that were attached to each other. Know what I mean?
This is one of my favorite spreads. Here, next to the Day Seven page, I have a small, third-of-a-page size sheet sitting in front of the full page for Day Eight. (Find the free page of number labels, from which I cut the "7" tag, here.) I have a few of these "floating," short elements in here now and may add more as I go. So, you flip over the short sheet and you see
this -- the flip side of the short sheet, which has a little print out of an album cover from one we had at our house growing up, and another "Christmas past" element:
My mom, as a teenager, with her beloved dog, Penny. It's a sheet of vellum with a white swirl pattern on it, and the white strip down the side was punched with a Martha Stewart craft punch with the little branch design (look back at the previous photo to see what I mean).

The spread for Day 9:

This falls on a Friday, and I plan to either do some of the last shopping or the wrapping that day -- hoping that part of the good fallout from this project will be some pre-organization not just of these pages but also of my own activities!
This little slip of a page from a children's book came from a mixed package of ephemera that I got from a vendor on Etsy. This little flashcard also came from an Etsy seller and the large 9 flashcard came from an old set from 7Gypsies that doesn't seem to be around anymore (but it would be easy to come up with your own -- or from one of the many Etsy sellers who seem to be doing things with flash cards these days!)

The spread for Day Ten, similarly, has a small piece of old sheet music sitting there, and a piece of vellum before you get to Day Eleven:
My husband's dad wasn't much of a photographer, and his mom is loathe to pass along any family photos or anything to us, so I don't have much from my husband's childhood other than these *reject* kinds of shots with the top of his head, etc. (It's tough to go up against my family's photos, given that both my parents were professionals and I have a huge, huge collection.)

I don't love the way the adorable element unto itself -- a bookshelf full of vintage holiday books with the number 12 -- ends up looking on this spread. I often do things separately and piecemeal -- I didn't know when I made the 12 element what the page would end up looking like -- but I like to play and experiment more than I like to plan and obsess. The candy cane is a photo cut from a catalog.

Here's the spread for days Thirteen and Fourteen. I'm struggling with wanting to put LOTS on these pages now, but I'm holding myself back so that I have room to put in photos and journaling as we go along. The letterpress tag, from Paper Source, says "Happy Holidays!" (I bought my set several years ago so the current selection is different, but letterpress stuff is just so wonderful in general.)

The vellum that I used for Day Sixteen is a bit bumpy at the top and bottom because of the way I adhered it to the next page, which is textured. I'll probably end up covering most of that up once I fill in the page. I like the lack of consistency with this project; the idea of having one format for every day didn't appeal to me as much so I'm comfortable with the differing styles in here. For me, everything comes together simply because it all makes sense to me. I don't like producing something that looks too much like what someone else might have done. (Good justification, again, for not spending the money on the kit, right? I do keep trying to convince myself....)

The spread for Day Seventeen is also one of my favorites. That page on the left is heavily textured so at most I may add one photo or something. The polar bear punch is another Martha product; I attached three bears, then punched three more and attached those with 3-D mounts so that they'd pop off the page (but that you'd still see bear shapes underneath):
I'm doing more full spreads through here because the 16th will be our last day of school before the break so I'm hoping Dean and I will be doing more holiday stuff to document!

Here's Day Eighteen, which features

A "Christmas past" element of my dad as a boy, being visited by Santa (he's in the back row, center, next to Santa -- the "memories" tab is kind of pointing to him):

Days Nineteen and Twenty:

Twenty one and Twenty two, with the three wishes tickets that I adore:
I made the element for 22 with several different punches and bits and pieces of paper:
Spread for Day 23 has a sticker measuring ruler from Rebecca Sower. Can't say how disappointed I've been to find that quite a few makers of high-end stickers for scrapbooking produce them in such a way that if you don't use them shortly after purchase, they will adhere permanently to the plastic sheets they are on. I had to cut it out and adhere it which worked, but seems ridiculous. The twenty three is highlighted by another punched element that...
...I glued microbeads from a holiday glitter set by Martha:

Christmas Eve doesn't have a number yet, but I printed "'twas the night before Christmas" across the top of the page. I don't have a lot of photos of Dean with Santa -- he was usually too intimidated to do anything other than observe the Jolly Old Elf from a distance, but I love this one and am trying to decide if I'll add in the others I do have or save them in case I actually manage to pull this thing off and then do it again next year.

And for Christmas Day:

Closer up:
My pages are 8.5 x 8.5. This is a size I love to work with, and I have for many, many years been making my own calendars this size (and also have made one for Ken every year). This spread is actually from my 2012 calendar (I love doing them so much that my own is usually done during the summer of the prior year):
I use GBC binding -- its a system of punching the little rectangular holes at the inside edge of the pages, then inserting them all in a plastic comb. I buy the combs (which are very inexpensive), and we have the GBC unit that punches and binds at school (although they aren't that expensive -- this one looks pretty deluxe but I'm sure there are less expensive ones out there). It's also possible to take something like this to Staples or a similar service place and have them do a spiral binding for you -- doing one of my calendars this way only costs about $5.

Whew! First I didn't think I'd jump in to this project, then I wasn't sure I'd get my foundation pages made. THEN getting it all on here seemed overwhelming, but I'm proud of myself for doing it. I will do my best to post as I go in December and show how these pages get transformed....

Goodness

2011-10-28T17:36:00.002-04:00

It has been a really, really good week. As the light fades here this evening and I think about dashing off to the next long list of things that need to be done (making dinner chief among them, but then there's the laundry, too...) I realize that I should slow down just long enough to acknowledge how good things feel right now.

Dean took his very first ever standardized test -- first time with a sharpened #2 pencil, an eraser, and nothing else (or else!!); first time filling in the bubble completely and neatly, no stray marks, full erasures only; first time being timed; first time with those daunting, devilish multiple choice questions with at least two answers that sound so plausible. It's his high school entrance exam, and frankly one potential handicap coming from a progressive school (no grades, no tests) is having to quickly figure out how to face these things.

And he did. Aced it. We got his scores Monday and danced the dance of joy. Not because we now know anything more or different about him than we knew before, but because he's got this hurdle behind him and the results won't be a barrier to what comes next.

We've been super busy lately but it has all been working out. We've managed to be where we need to be (individually, in pairs, and all three of us, depending) and we've been there on time. Weather's turned cool (actually had a dusting of snow last night!) but the oil tank is full and we can bring in some wood for the fireplace now. My camera is back from being repaired, my sewing machine is back from being serviced, AND the pumpkin carving tool set I ordered actually arrived today -- before we carved the pumpkins.

Stationery card

2011-10-12T06:52:00.001-04:00

Happy Season Holiday Card

Click here to browse Shutterfly's holiday card collection.

View the entire collection of cards.

damn everything but the circus

2011-10-04T18:14:00.000-04:00

...damn everything that is grim, dull,
motionless, unrisking, inward turning,
damn everything that won't get into the
circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw
its heart into the tension, surprise, fear
and delight of the circus, the round
world, the full existence...

e.e.cummings

URL: http://able2know.org/topic/46665-1

Where we are

2011-09-20T17:01:00.005-04:00

I should probably bring my camera to work most days, if not every day. Something always catches my eye, inspires me, makes me wonder, makes me laugh. In a huge sandbox filled with toys, the thing that most captivated the children was finding and sorting and displaying the collection of rocks. This is sacred, to me.

As I think about it, what's amazing is how sacred it is to all of them, too. To think that, in a school with children from age three-and-a-half to fourteen, no one displaced a single rock when the play was over. I found this set up at about 7:30 a.m., which means that it had been there since about 1:00 p.m. (or earlier) the day before.

And then there's my boy. Whew! An 8th grader this year -- so grown up. Here in the U.S., eighth grade signifies the end of your elementary school years, and from here you go on to high school (for four years). Everyone goes to high school, not everyone finishes (you may legally leave school at age 16), and not everyone goes on to college (university). [edited to add: apparently I've felt the need to explain this a lot. sorry 'bout that -- I'm fixated. clearly.]

So Dean is on the threshold, educationally, between childhood and being a teenager. Sigh.

He continues to be a wonderful person. He's kind and polite and friendly; he's smart, he pays attention, and he cares. And while he's been playing soccer for the past 8 years or so, suddenly this season he's a whole new man on the field. All his skills have sharpened, and his ability to see the game and be strategic in his moves is beyond what I would have imagined for him. He's been moved back to play defense because he's one of the "big kids" now, and for the first time he has the ability to play in an appropriately aggressive way (up until now he's been waaay too unassertive to play defense!). Our family wonders together when he'll score from mid-field; he kind of misses some of the fun of being on offense and scoring goals, but his leg and aim are good enough that we (and his coaches) suspect he'll knock one in without playing out of position.

Too. much. fun.

I was awestruck today when I gave myself a moment to realize how wonderful this year has been. Despite my own kind of general grogginess and funk, despite difficulty figuring out what to put down, the reality is that it has been, and continues to be, an utterly fabulous year. I need to keep making myself stop, and think about that.

Strength

2011-09-11T09:19:00.001-04:00

We are made powerful by our ability to remember, rebuild, and move on.

Leaping

2011-09-09T10:42:00.003-04:00

Our fall, back-to-school resolution is to get back out into the woods for some family hikes. We are so fortunate to live in an area with an absolute abundance of trails, Ken and I both really need the exercise, and it's a time for the three of us to be together without anything to distract any of us. Along with broad trails like this one, there are paths that lead up and down through the woods as well, although all the recent rains have made those temporarily impassable.

Every time I see a picture of Dean next to Ken, or next to me, my heart skips a little at how tall he's become. Won't be long before he passes Ken, I think. Beginning 8th grade this year has brought it's own raft of changes for Dean and I keep finding myself holding my breath, wanting to slow things down, trying not to worry about what comes next. It's huge -- in the US, you start high school next, after you've been graduated from 8th grade; the final step before going off to college. Sure that's 4 years away but still, it is momentous. It feels as though that spot in time where suddenly you can see the doorway through which your child passes from his life with you, under your wing, to his own life, out in the world, is right there -- in front of you and in focus in a way it has never been before.

And 8th graders as a whole are an edgy bunch. They feel it, too; the dwindling years of childhood and the massive gap to be leapt into the *real world* of high school and beyond. We laughed when we got back to the car after our hike that we'd never been able to make the loop in an hour before, and it's all about not having to pick Dean up and carry him along the way, about his legs being just as long as ours and able to keep up (actually, I was the one who had the hardest time keeping up).

Dean will take off early next week on his next class hiking trip up into the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I know I don't need to worry as much as I did the very first time he headed off, and maybe I can pry myself away from the weather reports while he's away. Maybe I can think about where I'd like to be headed, and what's past that big leap for me. I just haven't been having much luck getting my brain to go there.

Accepting

2011-08-24T12:10:00.003-04:00

Long days spent just hanging out, thinking just a little about what to do next. I'd like to be on the water, or near the water; silly that we can live about 50 miles from the coast and still have that be so difficult to achieve. (Of course the real problem is that EVERYONE wants to be near the water at this time of year.)

Dean appreciates the lack of motion, of time spent driving, of having a time that we have to be somewhere. He's been waiting for this part of summer when he's home. So I'm trying to sit back and enjoy it, too. Taking it for what it is and not wringing my hands over what could be.

While I'm here, I'll mention that I highly recommend Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet; on the one hand, a somewhat predictable story. On the other hand, so entirely refreshing to read about someone's life story that's manageable, understandable, imaginable -- and eye-opening to read an account of the internment of the Japanese during WWII.

Glorious

2011-08-05T17:11:00.003-04:00

I'm so moved by this gift from my garden. I did not plant morning glory seeds this year; I would have liked to but as happens with so many things, good intentions did not result in the thing's being done. But somehow, some miraculous how, this single vine came up. Did it re-seed from last year, or was it a seed that laid dormant until now?

I noticed it there, I coaxed it onto the post where it could climb, and every now and then I have a day that starts like this, with a morning glory singing to me. And if that were not enough, the hummingbirds are back.

A Summer's ABC

2011-07-15T17:41:00.002-04:00

Let's see how this goes.

A is for airline; Dean and I started our summer by flying down to southern Missouri to visit my brother and his wife.
B is for Bass Pro Shops -- like the LL Bean of the midwest, only bigger. Much, much bigger.

C is for cavern -- we drove to Fifty-Six, Arkansas (yup, that's the name of the town -- and we had to drive through Flippin, Arkansas, to get there -- seriously) to visit Blanchard Springs Caverns. One of the most staggeringly beautiful places I have ever seen in my life. If you ever get the chance, go.

And so onward we go.

Everything changes

2011-06-28T18:43:00.004-04:00

It's a constant process -- trying to figure out where you are, trying to decide where you are going and the best way to get there. I miss writing here, but a lack of clarity about my purpose and direction have left me wondering what to write about, how much to say. I have mixed feelings now about what I've been sharing and with whom; I know from my journeys in blogland that this is a common enough struggle but the weight of it hadn't quite hit me before.

In the meantime, I am adoring the feeling of summer's beginning. I'm not tired of sunshine nor of birdsong and only wish for more strains of music from ice cream trucks. I am tired of firecrackers at all hours on any given night, but that's not dimming my enthusiasm overall very much. I'm making lists and researching festivals and hoping to squeeze out every drop from these long days (work notwithstanding).

Doesn't take much

2011-05-11T05:53:00.002-04:00

I stopped planted tulips in my garden; they are not reliable for me at all. Not like daffodils, which bloom prolifically and spread each year. I don't know if tulip bulbs get eaten up by the chipmunks or squirrels, or if there's some condition in the soil or environment that doesn't give them what they need.

So it is truly astonishing when a tulip does suddenly appear. This bulb had to have been planted years and years and years ago. I don't get too excited when I sometimes see the leaves of a tulip emerge; often enough that's all I get when I get anything at all.

But this beauty held on and took our breath away. It started as a cream white then the blush of pink slowly spread, and it calls me to spend more time in the garden again.

It's all around me

2011-04-28T18:31:00.003-04:00

How breathtakingly beautiful each day is. How grateful I am for the moments I can truly feel that. I've been thinking a lot lately about so many things -- where I'm headed, what I'd most like to be doing, how to allow myself time to be creative, what's important to write about and share, and how I can reconcile that list with where I am right now.

The opportunities and joys are all here, right now. I just need to recognize and seize them.

A little break

2011-04-14T07:23:00.001-04:00

I'm going to take a little blogging break. Nothing's wrong, no deep philosophical musings afoot -- just feeling the need to spend free time doing other things for a while. Back in a bit!

The song of joy

2011-04-07T17:21:00.003-04:00

Dean and I heard the wood frogs today for the first time this season!

Their song is surprising; for years I mistook it for bird song.

Winter must finally be read to head south. I'll wave goodbye to her as she goes to visit my friends in Australia and Tasmania and other parts down under.

Happy 13th!

2011-04-04T06:00:00.003-04:00

Every single birthday, every single year, has been special and significant. That feeling grows with time -- it doesn't diminish, even if just a few of the outward trappings seem to become a little more low-key.

You have a smile that's easy, ready, and warm. Your eyes twinkle when you smile.

You care deeply about the people who are important to you.

You are kind, your heart is big and generous, and you can forgive.

You are curious, eager to learn, and willing to try.

You have a terrific sense of humor and you are willing to laugh at yourself.

It is a joy to hear you play the piano; you have a real gift.

You are interested in the world -- in people, places, ideas.

You love animals and it leads you to be knowledgeable about them, and willing to work hard on their behalf.

You love to play soccer and you put your speed, grace, and agility to such good use on the field.

As athletic as you are, you are also a true sportsman; you work hard to win but accept defeat graciously and are willing to put the feelings of others ahead of your desire to win.

You are terrific at figuring things out, at solving problems, at remembering.

You are a collector; you love to start, build, and care for collections.

You are a great friend, and people like being around you.

I love you, Dean, and I will always treasure this anniversary of meeting you, of having you join me here on this journey.

Textured Thursday

2011-03-31T07:34:00.001-04:00

Good cop, bad cop

2011-03-27T19:37:00.002-04:00

Things have been difficult here lately -- nothing earth-shattering, nothing about my own little family, just enough to leave me a bit drained. Hoping, in fact planning, to make a spectacular comeback this week.

May your own week be spectacular, safe, and sunny.

2011-03-24T07:26:00.000-04:00

A day late, a dollar short

2011-03-18T12:13:00.001-04:00

Just the way we roll.

A textured Thursday

2011-03-17T06:13:00.000-04:00

With a touch of green, to boot!

2011-03-12T08:09:00.001-05:00

Prayers, hope, and help to the people of Japan and those in the path of the aftermath.

Pinch me.

2011-03-11T15:59:00.004-05:00

A little over a year ago, I was contact by someone on behalf of Lark Press. She'd found one of my ABC Along photographs on Flickr and wrote to see if I'd be interested in submitting it for possible publication in an upcoming book.

Sure I'd be interested! She encouraged me to submit any other photos of letter forms I'd taken, and so I carefully put together a package. Literally tied it with a bow.

And then at some point gave up hope, having heard nothing. Well, I told myself, they probably contacted hundreds of people. I chided myself for having gotten so whipped up about it in the first place.

Today I received an email that I *almost* didn't open, but it sounded vaguely enough familiar that I did open it, to learn that indeed I had been selected. Oh Joy! And then, to open the preview image of the cover and see that there, right on the cover, is my very own letter "D."

Can you believe it? I cannot believe it.

It comes out in May.

If it weren't for blogging, and for Vicki's project, this never would have happened.

A textured Thursday

2011-03-10T06:36:00.001-05:00

Memory

2011-03-06T16:27:00.002-05:00

Without any great sense of purpose or schedule, I've been slowly, erratically working my way through the few boxes of my mother's things that have landed here with me.

Just now, I came across this photograph -- me, at about age 8 or so? -- taken at the beach that was in walking distance from our house. We spent too many summer days there to count, cooling off and rinsing off sand on the way home by walking through the sprinklers set up to give little city patches of grass some relief from the summer sun.

I don't remember ever seeing this photo before. My parents, both photographers, were very casual with drawers full of photos primarily taken by my mom with the film developed and the photos printed by my dad. This one is, so typically, just a contact proof, printed by laying the negative right on top of the photo paper. Not chosen to be printed individually, not balanced for exposure, not even with all the dust blown off (I've cleaned it up in PS just a little).

It makes me smile to think that spring is coming, and after that, summer. Maybe we'll get to the beach this year.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

2011-02-21T10:07:00.003-05:00

I had quite the birthday!

Dean made and frosted a cake for me, with only limited assistance. Chocolate cake with coffee buttercream icing. Quite magnificent! Dinner out at Blue Ginger, and our first in-person sighting of an Iron Chef contender.

Neither 29 nor 39 caused me a moment's pause. But 49 feels a little different. My age has always seemed to be this arbitrary number, sitting out there at some distance to myself, fairly meaningless. This feels a little more weighty. I'm not depressed or upset, I'm just mindful, for once, of what the number means (or at least what it carries with it). I wondered briefly if I should be doing anything differently (hair style? cosmetics?) but Ken and Dean voted resoundingly against my changing things up. I'm looking forward to spring and being able to get outside again, and go hiking and generally being more active.

Meanwhile, it is snowing here. Again. But lightly, and hopefully not worth more than an inch or two.

The beginning of a list

2011-02-15T17:16:00.003-05:00

I love the music of Ottmar Liebert. I can rely on him to put out CDs that I will love from beginning to end. He is a contemporary flamenco guitarist; his music is rich, emotional, evocative, restful, joyful, restorative. I think you may love his music, too, if you give it a listen.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T07:25:00.001-05:00

A warm Valentine's wish to the two I love most, and the many in my heart.

What makes it good

2011-02-11T10:14:00.003-05:00

Dean and his classmates put on a matinee and evening performance of Midsummer Night's Dream yesterday to deservedly thunderous applause. The kids were fantastic -- believe me, unless you'd been holding tickets to the Royal Shakespeare Company or something you wouldn't have been disappointed in anything about this production (except maybe that you couldn't have gotten a seat because the place was jammed). They might even have had something on a professional production because aside from putting on a show worthy of an adult audience, they also managed to capture the rapt attention of the rest of the children in our school (ages 5 on up). Some of the younger children loved it so much in the afternoon that they made their parents bring them back in the evening to see it again!

The things that you can really boil down to identify that made it go so well were that the kids all truly understood what they were saying (it was the real thing -- not some Shakespeare-modernized malarky), they entirely enjoyed what they were doing, and they were completely confident and comfortable. Although Dean was initially disappointed in the poor quality of the "wall" costume, he got it once he thought about the fact that the play within a play that he and his fellow *tradesmen* were putting on was supposed to be cheap and goofy.

And counter to cheap and goofy, I present rich and gooey. On the premise that adding oatmeal to anything instantly makes it good for you: oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies. Yum.

1/2 lb. (2 sticks) unsalted butter at room temp.
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 granulated sugar
2 eggs at room temp.
1 tablespoon (yes) vanilla
1 tablespoon water
1 and 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 and 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375f. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Cream butter with both sugars. Scrape down mixing bowl, and add eggs, vanilla, and water til just combined. Add flour, soda, salt, oats and mix until all is well incorporated. Add raisins and chips, stirring in by hand.

Using an ice cream scoop or measuring cup, scoop up 1/4 cup sized mounds of dough and place 2 inches apart on parchment. Bake 16 or 17 minutes -- edges will be brown but centers will still be soft. Slide parchment off sheets and allow cookies to cool on parchment, on racks. Makes about 15 cookies.

Hard to know

2011-02-10T07:21:00.002-05:00

I always find it so hard to know how to deal with these kinds of anniversaries.

It was one year ago that my mom died, and the anniversary of my dad's death was last week.

I don't know of any -- oh, what's the word I'm looking for? -- format? tradition? for these days. I suppose if I were religious I would go to church and light a candle, but that doesn't seem right to me for either of them.

And so I go through my day, thinking my thoughts of each of them, trying to comprehend that another year has gone by, trying to understand this life "after."

It snowed,

2011-02-08T07:28:00.002-05:00

it snowed, it snowed last night.

The fence around our back garden is 3 feet high (36 inches, people).

Sewing Sunday

2011-02-06T07:41:00.003-05:00

The snow days, and the post-holidays-let's-make-stuff urge, have compelled me to do a bit of sewing. This jacket is my first experiment with pre-quilted fabric (which is a little stiff, so I hope it softens up over time). No buttons yet, although I'm not sure I want them.

And this one, which I'm calling my gingerbread jacket, made from a joyful polar fleece. I didn't have *quite* enough fabric for this pattern, so I used some aqua blue polar fleece for the facing, which you can just see peeking out at the top. I realize I've made each of these patterns three times (but with entirely different fabrics); I do like going with what works and getting my money's worth from a pattern.

Meanwhile, t's funny to me how sewing/crafting stores have all seemed to rally around Superbowl Sunday sales and events.....

The game

2011-02-04T13:02:00.006-05:00

I don't remember how it started, or when.

Did we play it in college? Did I invent it?

Was it something from that period after college -- the early career years when I got to be friends with a great group of people at work and we'd socialize all the time on evenings and weekends?

Or did it just come to me yesterday in the doctor's office, when I wanted to help Dean pass the time in an easy, enjoyable way?

I don't know. But now Dean and I are addicted.

You start by -- NOT saying that you are about to play a game -- but by simply saying two things:

Peanut butter or jelly?

or

Dogs or cats?

Any two things. As you'd expect, the person to whom you've said this is initially a little bewildered. "Huh? Peanut butter or jelly? What do you mean?"

"I'm just asking: peanut butter or jelly?"

And the person responds. Maybe he picks one. Or maybe, as he did when I got to "dogs or cats?" he says something else entirely: "hamsters!"

And then maybe he says (as Dean did), "can I do that? Can I say something else?" Because now he's on to the fact that this is a game, and the game must have rules.

"You can say whatever you want."

The magic of the game is that it just starts, and it just goes. To me, the power is in the hands of the person responding. Indeed, say anything you want. Don't feel that you have to explain or justify your choice.
I will be bold and predict for you that the person you begin this with will quickly become immersed. "More!" he or she will demand, as you start to slow a little in coming up with questions.

Ocean or forest?

Good or evil?

Chocolate or vanilla?

Just as the responder has no need to defend or explain a response, so the questioner has no responsibility to explain or defend. We started this with Ken when we got home, for example, and he demanded, "context! I need context!"

My response was that it's in your hands -- it's whatever context you choose. This had come up with Dean as our game continued during our two-hour car ride back home from the doctor's (rush hour; should have taken less than an hour otherwise). I'd said, "Mexican or Chinese?" and he said, "food, right? You're talking about food?"

Whatever you want it to be, and you don't have to say.

But back to that point when you start to slow down, when it gets to be a little hard to think of things quickly. That's when you get to say, "now you ask me!"

Big or small?

London or Paris?

Today or tomorrow?

Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan?

Try it. I think it will be your new favorite thing.

Our mountains

2011-01-31T06:58:00.004-05:00

Three tuxedo jackets, with tails, done, done, and done. Made for the upcoming school play (A Midsummer Night's Dream), although not to be worn by Dean. HIS costume, much to my sewing chagrin, will consist of clothes he already owns and a strip of upholstery fabric cut (not even hemmed!) into a long strip -- a rough scarf. I adapted a bathrobe pattern to make these jackets and hope to get pictures of the boys who WILL be wearing them, although the date of the play is now up in the air thanks to all the snow days we've had and apparently will still have....

Took this picture of Ken yesterday, with the snow pile at the end of our driveway. Ken is 6'2" (so admittedly my 9' to 10' pile estimates were a little high). Here's what that same spot looked like about 4 years ago after a big storm:

And we thought this was a lot of snow!

Back to now, and more of the pile. The thing curves around to the right (that picture of Ken and Dean just above is the view to the right, opposite the garage door opening) and the big challenge is keeping the area clear enough so we can get the car in and out of the garage.

Here was the view of the back garden after that snow fall back in 2007, and here's what it looks like now:
Forecast is calling for, yes, another 20" of snow for us this week.

One person is NOT complaining.

One person really and truly does know how to make use of this amazing natural resource! I'm looking forward to the possibility of some more time to sew, but only to make things OTHER than white tuxedo jackets.

What it is

2011-01-30T10:13:00.002-05:00

This picture of Dean is from 4 years ago, during another snowy New England winter. I am continually reminded of the difference in children's perspective on snow from that of adults; joy, delight, adventure instead of frustration, resentment, and inconvenience.

I'm hoping to take a few new pictures today, including one of the 9 or 10 foot pile of snow at the end of our driveway. Apparently there's another storm brewing that could bring us more snow mid-week. The biggest challenge now is simply where to put the stuff; we're not getting any relief from the freezing temperatures so nothing's melting. And I'm a little worried about the roof.

But otherwise, I plan to finish up the work on the three white tuxedo-style jackets with tails that I'm making for the school play and to cook up some Asian-style mahi for dinner (with a whole tropical bent to show that we haven't given up hope).

And I'd like to formally state that I choose June 5th as the date by which that jumbo pile of snow at the end of the driveway will finally melt away.

Snow, squirrel, soup, science

2011-01-21T16:25:00.005-05:00

Another snow day home from school yesterday (yippee!), and now about 3 feet of accumulated snow on the ground (uh, not so yippee!). It's funny to me how winters are either brutal -- storm after storm after storm -- or relatively snow-less; never a happy medium. Part of that whole jet stream business and all.
Mr. Christmas Squirrel kind of looks as though he's thinking, "sure, you can make me go to the party and wear the hat, but I'm NOT going to have fun." Sorry there's nothing to show scale; he's about 7 inches to the top of his hat. I'm going to have to figure out how to go into production mode with these Christmas crafts, or I can see that I'm going to end up with a lot of little things that we have to keep and nothing for the homemade gift supply.

Meanwhile, an absolute up-side to wintery days stuck indoors is the time to make soup! Lentils, collard greens, tomatoes, carrots. Yum. I adapted this recipe and encourage you to experiment with it, too!
And speaking of experiments! Dean needs to make a model of a human gallbladder this weekend and decided papier mache applied over a balloon was the way to go. I figured it would go most quickly if we suspended it and therefore could coat all sides on each pass. I always struggle to find the right level of support on these projects -- paving the way to make it possible, but then stepping back and letting Dean do all the actual work. He's doing a terrific job.

That whooshing sound

2011-01-20T06:25:00.002-05:00

A week has gone by? A week!?!

While the beauty of snow days is obvious, the dark underbelly is that they make the remaining work days unbelievably frenetic; this is my busiest time of year and it's really, really hard to keep up even without losing days. I so dislike this constant feeling of so much to do, so little time.

Aside being waist-deep in snow, I'm also in the midst of a great deal of school play costume sewing, somehow having allowed myself to be suckered into making many kids' costumes. 3 white tuxedo-type jackets with tails? HOW did I get myself into this? Hoping to finish those up, get Dean's costume sorted, and get some photos up here.

Meanwhile, still plucking away at Christmas crafting; Jenny's elf shoe pattern is here.

Snow day!

2011-01-13T07:22:00.003-05:00

A real, true blizzard descended upon us on Tuesday night. For the first time in my memory, school for Wednesday was canceled at dinnertime on Tuesday -- so rather than the traditional wake-up-on-a-snowy-day-and-wait-to-hear-if-school-is-canceled routine, we were able to do the dance-of-joy before going to bed and, wonderfully, sleep in.

Ken's school (he works at a university) was also closed -- another very unusual and wonderful circumstance!
When we went out to shovel at about 10:30 a.m., we measured 14 inches of snow; by the end of the day, I'd say we had about 18 inches or so.
The winds didn't really howl, and the snow stayed relatively dry (light) for most of the storm, so we were mercifully spared any power outages, although internet connectivity was spotty. But hey, who needs the internet when there's snow to romp in?
We played, we drank hot cocoa, and we relished the quiet, white world.

Is there anything more important?

2011-01-10T19:40:00.002-05:00

Watch Jamie Oliver's TED talk and see what you think. Be changed, and change the world.

Winter crafting

2011-01-07T07:10:00.002-05:00

There's nothing like the combination of Christmas, and wintery weather, and new craft magazines to get my fingers itching to make stuff. This swan ornament is the first of what I hope will be many, made in the way-BEFORE-Christmas months so that I can at least get closer to my goal of a mostly handmade holiday. (I was going to give you, right here, the link to the Dec. 2010 Cotton Time magazine where this pattern appears, but I see that it's no longer in stock at Superbuzzy.com -- a great source regardless for Japanese craft magazines.)

Yesterday's little guy is supposed to be a lamb; thanks for the guesses and seeing those helps me think about how to make it more lamb-y and less dog (or calf) like.

This is a test

2011-01-05T19:54:00.002-05:00

But it is a test of me, not of you. I am trying to figure out a pattern for a new little felt animal and am working at the moment on the profile. Finished product will be three dimensional with a head gusset and under-side piece so that it stands on 4 legs, etc.

BUT -- what kind of little animal is it looking like to you? I appreciate your candid responses, and I promise I will tell you what I'm trying to make.

In a perfect world

2011-01-04T06:16:00.002-05:00

Every time we have a first day back at school after a break of seemingly any size, I run into parents in the hallways who tell me how frazzled they are from all that time at home with their kids and how thrilled they are to have school start up again and to be back into the usual routine.

But for me, it's never long enough.
The two-week break went by in a blink. We all could have used another week or two or three or four. Dean's very happy to be back with friends, and loves school, but being home is always best.

Through rose-colored glasses

2011-01-02T11:53:00.019-05:00

Only the happiest memories from 2010.

January

Piano recital

Several trips to the aquarium so that Dean could complete seahorse observations for a research report (although of course we visited all our favorite exhibits)...

Lunch out, just me and Dean. These opportunities have always been wonderful, but they became even more of a pleasure this year as we had new kinds of conversations -- more grown up, as I think about it. So this is all about embracing the changes as they come, and reveling in what is.

February

More time at the aquarium

and oysters for my birthday.

March
The welcomed return of green, growing things in New England, and the discovery in our own front yard
of a wonderful tree for climbing.

April
How exciting to wake up on a day that is BOTH Easter and your birthday!

May
Participating in a piano competition was a first (here's the warm-up before heading to the theater),
as was landing a major (singing!) role in the school play (he was the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland, and his *legs* had roles to play as well -- I was quite delighted with being able to design and execute a costume that worked!).

Soccer season got underway in earnest,

and he had his second school trip to The Farm School for the better part of a week.
Also a return to Dean's favorite fundraiser, his annual participation in the Walk for Paws.

June
We had a truly spectacular spring this year, and another lovely piano recital.

July

World Cup!Dean went on a hiking trip in New Hampshire with a group from school, and came back forever changed by the experience -- the goal of all great adventures, I believe.

Dean and I made a trip out to Chicago, where I joined a group of classmates from elementary school for an impromptu, casual reunion (my favorite kind); the ongoing contact with this group has been wonderful for me.
And we spent time with family -- my brother Chris, his daughter-in-law Erin, and our favorite first cousins (or something -- Chris' grandsons) Noah and Caleb.

Noah

Caleb

A special wedding in New Hampshire -- our niece Hallie,

to her new husband Shaun. Couldn't have been a lovelier day, a more beautiful bride, a more perfect way to gather with extended family and friends.

August
We even got to see my other brother, Tony, and his wife Carol this year; Dean and I took them on a waterfall expedition to New Hampshire, and we
spent some time in Boston as well. Seeing this much of my family in one year is extraordinary, although my goal would be to make it standard procedure.

We celebrated Ken's birthday with mini-golf and

cupcakes!

And took opportunities to see a Major League Soccer game as well as
Ovo, a traveling Cirque du Soliel extravaganza.

September
We did a pretty good job getting out into our local woods to hike and for Dean to have

lessons in stone-skipping (a skill fairly well mastered!).

Of course September always means back to school,

and this year it also meant a class expedition to the White Mountains in New Hampshire.

(a whole different look getting off the bus than there was getting on).

We hit LegoFest in Boston; not the most amazing event we've ever been to but really -- Legos -- what more does a boy need?

October
Although we could have used more rain during the summer, this review makes me appreciate how much gorgeous weather we had, and how our plans were really never hampered by weather -- kind of remarkable for New England. We spent a day in Newburyport, Massachusetts, to hook up with the newlyweds

Hallie and Shaun for a late lunch.

And of course the all-important selecting and carving of pumpkins, and the

annual Halloween Parade at school.

November
Oh, hurray for Disney World! Hurray for sunshine and theme parks and nothing else to do but decide what to ride next and whether or not to watch a parade.

Feeding the dolphins at SeaWorld.

(In case you were wondering why we keep going back there.)

I was the first guest to step foot in the Magic Kingdom on this particular day, and it filled me with joy -- an unreasonable amount, even -- to be there, to be that person, to have that moment.

Another opportunity to get together with family, and we learned on this day that Hallie and Shaun are expecting a baby next June!

December
We had ourselves a merry little Christmas!

And a fairly silly new year's eve, spent watching How to Train Your Dragon (highly recommended!),
and watching the ball drop in Times Square because we're Americans and it's what we do!

A toast, to realizing that you can always choose to look back and see only the good stuff and to looking ahead to what surely will be an even happier year.

Memories of the celebrations

2010-12-30T11:44:00.003-05:00

This year, we managed to get Christmas Eve just right. No last minute wrapping or frantic anything, really. A leisurely day with enjoyable preparations leading up to an evening spent in front of the fire.

Smoked salmon to start, then a dinner of swordfish, asparagus, and couscous. With homemade cookies for dessert!
My favorite part of the evening was Dean's sudden inspiration to draw -- that, and honoring all our usual traditions of stories read, Advent calendars finished,

(with Santa always being the last piece placed on the homemade version), and stockings hung with care. The wealth of Christmas is surely in all the layers and layers of memories. I think of childhood Christmas Eves, and ones spent later at my dad's and his wife's after my parents were divorced, and ones with Ken before Dean came along and then the glorious 12 with Dean so far.
It's a matter, for me, of finding the balance between the pleasure of memories and just a nod to the sadness of what's past, and acceptance, embracing of what the new traditions are. Dean is totally a holiday person, and he spent the day (as he always does) happy and excited from morning til night.

Nothing quite like the magic of Christmas morning, and finding that Santa has been here.

Stockings filled to overflowing, as always, and

the glory of the tree. What a pleasure it was to know we had the day to ourselves, and not to have to rush through any of it.
Our traditional breakfast of eggnog french toast, and a finale of

sauerbraten and rosti and mushrooms and rolls for dinner (and Christmas crackers, too!). I struggled with some sadness during the day -- the first Christmas without loved ones who should still be among us to celebrate holidays and everything else. My mom was such a Christmas person (those white crochet snowflakes hanging up above were made by her), and I thank her for sharing that wish to make one day so spectacular.

We're still in full holiday mode here, looking forward to our New Year's Eve celebration. At this point I am really trying to simply look ahead. May your own celebrations be joyful and healthy and safe!

Gingerbread!

2010-12-23T13:56:00.004-05:00

Dean and I have come to feel that it just wouldn't be Christmas without a couple of gingerbread houses. I think this is my 11th year at it, and he's been involved one way or another all along. It's a lengthy process, taking at least part of three separate days, and one of these years we may get more ambitious in our plans and have the need for an extra day.

Dean's gotten to be a real experimenter, and you can see that he tried sprinkling the butterscotch bits (used to create the window panes) all over the outside of his pieces for a sparkly effect.

My house in mid-construction. Dean was eager to try these trees this year; fun, but I wished I'd waited until I'd completed construction before placing mine because it would have been easier not to have to work around it. (Although I feel the need to let you know that I got through the entire house-building process without uttering a single profanity, which could be a first.)

Dean is still a real process guy. What he most enjoys is digging into it, trying new things, experimenting with the pastry tips, enjoying the process of making without worrying much about what the outcome is going to be. I admire his freedom, his openness, and his pleasure in the moment and when he's all done.

Pretty much says it all!

Dean's house from the front. He's done a little more on it since, but this is the general idea. I love that he sprinkled the sparkly sugar over his tree and house while the icing was wet -- looks gorgeous.

My finished house. Dean didn't want lights inside his house this year, but I love the way these look when they are lit from within. (Definitely use a small strand of LED lights if you decide to try this -- they won't heat up and melt the royal icing.)

I love the way these smell, and the mingling scents of gingerbread and pine from the Christmas tree probably creates my favorite aroma in the whole world.

We're pretty much ready. One more batch of cookies to bake up, some vacuuming to do (sugar sprinkles are EVERYWHERE!). We've even had just a little bit of snow to shovel, so a White Christmas is looking like a real possibility.

I wish you every joy of the season, some moments of calm and quiet to savor, and a chance for reflection. And to all, a good night!

Bits and pieces

2010-12-16T16:46:00.002-05:00

I have been slowly and reluctantly going through what's left, physically, of my mom's life -- a few boxes of things tossed together and sent to me. It's hard, to see a life come down to what any casual onlooker would glance at and pronounce: trash. Bits and pieces of things.

In her ragtag shoebox of jewelry I come across fragments, mostly. She was perhaps more adept at losing a single earring than anyone, and it seems that she had a particular knack for losing just the good ones. So I can match up pair after pair of inexpensive jingles and jangles, but the few that I find that I know to be of value and quality -- those are doomed to be ones of a kind.

I had to laugh, and experience an odd kind of chill, when I came across several Christmas ornament hooks and a tiny Christmas ornament, because I can find those exact same items in my own jewelry box (although mine isn't a shoebox). Well, you know, there's that whole business about the acorn not falling far from the tree.

I did also come across this tiny, tattered nativity set. No piece is even half an inch tall. They were rattling around inside a box with no protection at all, so I'm actually surprised they are as intact as this. She loved Mexico, and the arts of Mexico, and in particular the religious art of Mexico, and I'm sure she treasured this little set that she probably picked up for pocket change back in the 1970's.

I'm sorry the depth of field is so shallow in the photo, but I know that if I wait to set up and take the shot in better light and with a wider focal plane, it'll be Easter time and the moment will have passed.

Anyway, I'm so happy to have found it, and to have it displayed on our mantle.

Choir of angels

2010-12-13T07:27:00.003-05:00

Another successful winter concert at school under our collective belts! Dean's thinking that *maybe* in the spring he'll volunteer for a solo or highlighted role; everyone at our school who requests a stand-out part in addition to being part of the chorus gets the opportunity, and everyone is in the chorus (once you're 8 years old).

Let there be lights

2010-12-10T16:22:00.003-05:00

We won't be able to have lights up outside our house this year, but that's OK.

See, it went like this: we were hearing a squirrel on our roof, and it was really annoying. BUT, it took on a whole new level when said squirrel figured out how to get from the roof into the attic. Ugh.

I took a little time figuring out the best course of action, and decided to call a roofer. (What would be the point of having someone come to trap the squirrel, since legally you have to release them within a distance that any squirrel this clever was going to find no barrier to getting right back into our attic?) So Mr. Roof Guy tells me that the 15-year shingles on our 21-year-old house are but one of the issues on our very bad roof.

Ah. Three weeks before Christmas is really NOT when you want to hear you need a new roof, but looking on the bright side we haven't had snow yet -- so we got the new roof.

But see, during the time they were working on the roof was our only realistic window of time for putting up the outdoor lights on the bushes, and that didn't seem wise given all the work being done all over the place. So, no lights.

That's OK. And these words came out of Ken's mouth: "Well, the roof and the furnace were the last things that were going to need any attention, so the roof's all set and luckily the furnace is in good shape."

You know what happened this morning, right?

It was 3 degrees f. last night (yes, that's *three*), and the house was awfully cold this morning.

Ken had to miss Dean's winter concert at school to wait for Mr. Furnace to arrive. But arrive he did, thankfully, and we now have a new transformer and a new motor on our furnace. And heat.

But no lights outside. That's OK. I'll just keep looking at my pictures from Disney World, where they do outdoor lights up in a big way.

And I share with you this priceless nugget from over at Pea Soup: "Also, just when did Christmas become women's work, or has it always been and I've not consciously noticed it until now?"

Welcome to the sisterhood.

Remembering

2010-12-08T06:45:00.002-05:00

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Our tree

2010-12-02T06:18:00.002-05:00

In the 20 or so years that we've lived in this nook of central-ish Massachusetts, we've seen a dismaying number of small farms close down. Not only do we lose the access to fresh produce and the glorious acres of rolling farmland, but we unfortunately gain large housing developments that strain resources and change the very nature of the area.

So we strive to support the farms that do remain. Harvey's has been a local family farm for 6 generations. We've been going there regularly all this time, and it has been a favorite destination of Dean's ever since his first visit.

I treasure the fact that whenever we arrive, and whatever we're there for, Dean asks for $1 for a bag of food to feed the animals. Each bag has one package for the ducks, and one for the farmyard animals.

Last Sunday, a cold a blustery day, Dean wondered if we'd wasted the dollar; as we approached the bridge over the duck pond there was not a duck in sight. But the moment our feet hit the bridge, a chorus of duck chatter exploded from underneath, and a flock of very hungry and eager ducks called to Dean to throw the food. The ducks can be a little blase during the summer when children and bags of food are plentiful, but this day they were deeply grateful for the attention and treats.

As was the pig. And the goats. Dean chatted with and fed them all.

Amongst other things on our list was a Christmas tree. Each tree in the lot had a name tag, which made the usual hunt even more entertaining. (These are fraser firs, distinguished by those thick, rich swirls of needles that go all the way around each branch.)
We didn't get it at first. The tag on the tree we liked best simply said, "Your." Hmmm, I said -- maybe they meant to write "Yours," or meant to add another word and just forgot?

But no. When Mr. Harvey came over to cut off a bit from the bottom of the trunk and help us load onto the car, he said, "Ah, I see you've found Your Tree!" Indeed!

There is always some measure of guilt in our hearts about buying a real, cut-down tree. But I believe that supporting Christmas tree farmers and their farms is critically important; this is their cash crop, and if everyone stopped buying them then these farms, too, will disappear and become housing developments.

Your Tree smells glorious, and awaits lights and decorations.

Hello Kitty!

2010-11-30T06:38:00.001-05:00

Actual holiday gift-making is underway! Rather than wringing my hands about not having time to get through my entire list of gifts I'd like to make, I'm just jumping in, doing what I can, and enjoying the results.

Scenes from the day

2010-11-26T09:46:00.003-05:00

I realized that this was our very first Thanksgiving with just us three, and it was wonderful.

(I have been cooking our turkey on the grill for over 22 years and it comes out perfect every time -- juicy, flavorful, golden. AND you get the use of your oven for everything else! If you want instructions just let me know -- it can be done on a charcoal covered grill [with a dome top -- a Weber] or on a gas grill -- again, as long as the lid is big enough to close down over the bird.)

Dean declared it to be a pajama day, and so for him it was.

I close with two tips for you. First, it is wonderful to have a notebook in which to record all your holiday/special meals -- jot down who was there, what you served, what you did. I started mine the year we were married, 1989 (that's Thanksgiving 1989 on this page), and have notes from pretty much every year:

(sorry -- I make all low-res images to ease loading, but it makes this hard to read..)

And next, I have a binder with copies of all the holiday meal recipes I use, along with my notes on them. This makes it easy to pull out the recipes you need for the particular event, and to have all your favorites in one place. I include recipes for using up leftovers, too.

I feel so joyful about the season on which we have embarked!

Underway

2010-11-24T15:39:00.002-05:00

I don't usually take too many pictures in the kitchen; the lighting isn't conducive and I'm generally so wrapped up in the doings that I don't think to record them.

But Dean, at the stove, making his world famous cranberries -- that was worth recording. And I kept going for a little while
at various points in the happy chaos
with too much going on at once but everything going well. I've cooked the Thanksgiving Feast every year that we've been married (21) and quite a few before that as well. Ken and Dean like the menu just as it is, although I made chocolate chip gingerbread bars for dessert because Dean isn't an apple pie guy and three people did NOT justify two desserts (I do have some restraint).

Dean's cranberries are ready for tomorrow, and so am I.

Love and joy come to you!

And now, we return to sanity

2010-11-23T20:13:00.002-05:00

I'll admit it.

For the first time ever ever, I was seriously contemplating getting out super early on Friday to do some shopping. Joann Fabrics tempted me with a flier filled with those "door buster" specials designed to get you into a shopping frenzy.

It helped me to read an article about how retailers trick you with this stuff; when the fine print in the ad says "limited quantities" they often are REALLY limited, so that you are almost assured of finding that the crazy unbelievable deals will be sold out (unless you're willing to camp out overnight, which I most certainly am not). That they dazzle you with deals on stuff you don't really need, and get you into the buying state of mind so that you really rack up the bill at check-out time so that you feel it was worth your while to get out so early.

Instead I will be where I belong. Home, maybe in bed, maybe up with my first cuppa, and maybe even setting out to make some things with the unbelievable amount of crafting supplies I already own. We've designated Friday as "At Home" day (another reason not to sneak out!), and we're going to relax and enjoy and not feel guilty about all the stuff we're not getting done. We'll live off the fat of the leftovers and maybe even get a fire going in the fireplace.

Sounds better than having to vie for a parking space at 5:30 a.m.

What makes it "Thanksgiving"?

2010-11-22T19:41:00.003-05:00

I've been mostly having the conversation inside my own head, because really it's so much quicker and easier.

What is it that constitutes the Thanksgiving Experience, especially given that Thanksgiving this year will be the 3 of us at home?

I decided that polishing silver and ironing table linens still mattered (much to the amusement of Ken). Butter pats are molded, in the freezer, in the traditional acorn and leaf molds (because, really, what's not to love about a pat of butter in the shape of an acorn?). An olive tray didn't make the cut, because it was mostly the company that went for the olives, and Dean helped me decide that placecards really weren't completely sane.

Spanikopita didn't make the cut mostly just because of how labor intensive they are, although I think I will get them on the appetizer tray for Christmas.

Otherwise, although I'll attempt to cut down some of the portions, the menu is pretty much what it always is. I can't give the boot to cranberries, or stuffing, or turkey and gravy (of course!), and then once you're there you've got to have the mashed potatoes and the sweet potatoes with the specially made pecans on top are my particular favorites.

We're still going to spend Wednesday cleaning the house, although I imagine I'll have to work past a certain number of, "but it's not like anyone else is coming!" comments; well, Ken will mostly handle the cleaning while I mostly handle the cooking.

I think it's important for your own little family to know that they are the reason to celebrate, and that the effort gets made whether others are coming or not.

Around the World

2010-11-20T14:36:00.007-05:00

We've returned from a brief trip, one that we planned when we felt that we all needed something to look forward to, one that we planned at a time when taking Dean out of school for a few days didn't seem too daunting.

We really wanted to get some Christmas on, to jump-start the holiday season with a bang.
We also really wanted to see some new scenery, experience some warmer temperatures.

We wanted to enjoy some great art and architecture, and alsoSee some wildlife up close.

We also wanted to eat a wide variety of foods, and Dean in particular wanted to expand his fish and vegetable intake.

We were up for a little shopping, browsing, seeing what was what in the shops.

We wanted to immerse ourselves in local cultures, even when we were a little weary from all the walking.

Are you on to me? We escaped to Disney World. It was our best trip ever -- largely, I think, because I've learned to relax and when I'm relaxed, the ripple effects are tremendous.

Now we're getting our Thanksgiving on, which will be a holiday at home for the three of us. We're fairly giddy about it. I'm loving all the joyful sights of the holidays all around blogland; for now, everyone seems to be reveling in preparations and anticipation, even if we didn't *ahem* quite get the year-long jump we'd dreamed of.

The most valuable commodity

2010-11-02T13:33:00.000-04:00

And so another magnificent Halloween blows in with the falling leaves and scatters just as quickly. Dean's costume this year was pretty straightforward in terms of the sewing/construction, but he loved it and was a big hit while trick-or-treating.

(Typecast in the class Halloween skit....)

We took the big leap this year, and let Dean go off with his two best friends. They traversed a street that goes all-out; the street is closed to traffic for three hours, the homes are all decked out and people go to such lengths as to put up cotton candy and popcorn machines in their yards. The street isn't particularly chock-full of homes, but it's the quality over quantity issue at work.

(Heading out to hit up the neighbors before the official outing)

The whole trick-or-treating scene is kind of complicated out here. In many areas, including the street where we live, the houses are very spread out and there are rarely sidewalks. So aside from the usual risks people associate with the endeavor, there's a higher risk of being hit by a car or tripping somewhere along the unlit roads (that's the other wrinkle).

Kids and parents compensate by often choosing other neighborhoods to visit -- ones where there are sidewalks, and homes in reasonable proximity, and street lights. And it goes over pretty well in those neighborhoods. Rare is the house that's shut up and dark -- the norm is a decorating extravaganza to rival the winter holidays. In fact, I felt bad last night for the homes I passed while driving that were trying so hard to attract trick-or-treaters but were unlikely to receive any because of their location. I wish we lived in one of those prime trick-or-treat neighborhoods because I'd love to spend the evening watching the parade come right up to our door.

Anyway.

After he and his friends had been out for only an hour, I got the call from him that they were done. But what they wanted was to spend the rest of the evening hanging out together, and they were all invited to one of the family's homes. I was kind of surprised at first; we'd spend hours, and hours, and hours as kids, going as far and wide as we could to collect the most pounds of candy possible. Give up after an hour? No way!

But as I thought about it, I realized that for Dean and his friends candy really isn't a very precious commodity. They are all being raised in homes where it's not a big deal to have some candy -- not that any of them are rolling in it, but it's more or less available when they'd like it. They don't have to hoard it. But what they don't have nearly enough of is time with each other -- and that's what they yearn for. We don't live on the same street as his best friends; we all don't even live in the same town. The boys don't come home after a day of school and then spend the afternoon to early evening in each other's company every day, and they don't spend all day of every weekend together.

The proposition is completely flipped. The one thing we DID have growing up was constant access to and time with friends. But now that's the most valuable commodity.

I love that they just inherently got it right. They loved dressing up, they loved the street scene and the trick-or-treating. But they knew what they valued most, and so that's how they chose to use most of their time.

Dean's already thinking about what he wants to be next year. And I'm working to figure out when he can invite his friends over to play.

Carving night!

2010-10-29T15:38:00.002-04:00

Tonight we carve the pumpkins we plucked from the patch a couple weeks ago. Dean's still got his cast on in this picture, but in real life he's now down to an ankle brace and life is good.

Finding myself reluctantly having to put my money where my mouth is -- Dean and a couple of his friends will go out trick-or-treating on their own. Oh, they'll all be carrying cell phones (I'm lending Dean mine and he's thankful it isn't pink), and going in a neighborhood that will be jam-packed with kids. I'm all for it on so many levels, but I'll still be glad to see him home safe and sound.

Hurdy gurdy

2010-10-22T12:54:00.005-04:00

I really should know what kind of plant this is; these were planted in our garden just last year. Whatever it is, it saves its flower show for fall, even though to me it has the look of a spring flower. I treasure it for its willingness to be brave and bold, yet tender, in the face of cold.

Today is the first time this season that I've had to put a touch of heat on in the house during the day. Oh, the heat has been coming on from time to time at night, but during the daylight hours it's been warm enough until now.

I find myself with that leaning-over-the-precipice feeling -- that one more step and then the SWOOOP toward Thanksgiving and Christmas and all will begin. The downhill, can't stop running madly out of control dash that is the marathon ahead. I don't necessarily mean it in a bad way; there are certainly things about the holidays that I treasure and revel in. More in just that sense of time going faster and faster and faster each year; the sense that *catching up* just isn't in the cards. That's ok. I feel we're better prepared than in the past to put our own measures of sanity around it all.

Meanwhile, I finally tidied up, got the Halloween decorations up, and made it feel appropriately festive around here. Pumpkins await carving, a costume is ready for Dean, candy is purchased and ready to be handed out.

My childhood memories of Halloween are glorious. This is my brother Chris, on the left -- so typical for our family that he was the only one of his friends with a homemade costume. My mom did excel in the making of Halloween costumes, and we were broad-minded in our ideas of what to be. You may not recognize the form, but Chris (or Clipper, as he was known back then) is an organ grinder -- and his rendition is perfect. Do you see the monkey in his arm, and the wind-up organ he wears around his neck? When we were young, we could go to the Old Town neighborhood of Chicago and almost always see an organ grinder -- always a man, always with a swarthy, gypsy look to him (in the very best sense) with a handlebar moustache and a monkey. You could give your pennies to the monkey and he'd give them a bite to make sure they were real (and not food) and then hop up to deliver them to the organ grinder.

Although I will admit that we got in the habit of calling them monkey grinders as kids -- not for any morbid reason but just that once one of us got the name wrong and the new name stuck (took me years to figure out why my parents thought it was so funny and awful that we called them that).

Anyway, I don't ever remember a parent along for trick-or-treating with any kids. We were instead set loose upon the neighborhoods, and would travel in packs for hours and hours collecting candy. I was the ward of my older siblings my first year or two out, but then from then on went with my own group of friends to enjoy a child's nearly favorite night of the year (with only Christmas competing for the honors).

To port

2010-10-18T06:41:00.001-04:00

It has been lovely, these days, in New England. Despite the early darkness, the days are crisp and bright and filled with the colors and scents of autumn.

Hard to stay grumpy, which is a wonderful thing.

We spent Saturday afternoon in Newburyport, Massachusetts. Dean is learning that the many little port towns along the New England coast are very similar in design, in feel (and unfortunately in this age of franchises and homogenization, often identical in the shops) --
Portland, Portsmouth, Newburyport, Rockport, Newport -- you could be dropped blindfolded into any one of these and know that you were in New England near the coast but would not necessarily instantly know which town you were in. Cobblestone streets, old brick storefronts, winding streets coming up off the waterfront -- check, check, check.

They are lovely, though -- please don't think I don't adore these towns because I do. (I've managed to sneak in some sewing lately, and made this new jacket for myself although I'm still tinkering with it a little bit....)

I'm not sure why this picture of Dean with the horse strikes me as so adorably funny -- something about his bum leg, I guess, and the apparent youth of the horse.

Seeing the ocean, the boats, and dear family members who met up with us for *linner* (you know, a meal in between lunch and dinner) was restorative.

Recent discoveries

2010-10-15T06:41:00.004-04:00

I've been shamefully lazy lately about my blog. That's not so much in the *recent discoveries* category, but then maybe again it is. I think a lot about writing, and posting, but then end up noodling away the time I have and not doing it.

So instead I'm trying to just actually post.

Here goes.

In the actual recent discoveries category:

As Dean progresses in his piano playing and works on pieces by your basic hall-of-fame composers, it finally occurred to me to seek out recordings -- piano only -- of those pieces so he can hear the timing, and can hear how professionals play a piece (and reflect on the kinds of emotions that are evoked when a piece is played with feeling). I've made a CD of the stuff he's currently working on and we're listening to it in the car. Why did I not do this sooner?

Also in the music department: when I was growing up, we always had a radio/tape player in the kitchen, and we had music on in the kitchen basically all the time. My mom enjoyed a very wide range of music, so I was exposed to all kinds of stuff and really enjoyed that soundtrack to our lives. As an adult, through nothing other than neglect, I've never had music in the kitchen. At our house now it is possible to put music on in the family room and hear it in the kitchen (although we really don't get much radio reception at all), but it's hard to manage and so I rarely do it. I've told Ken that what I'd truly like for Christmas is an inexpensive unit on which I could dock my iPod and hear music in the kitchen. Wish I'd done this waaaaay sooner.

I seem to have developed a touch of SAD as I've aged. I've always been sensitive to the light change with the seasons, and have railed against the whole daylight savings/time change scheme in the past here (ad nauseam?). But last night as I looked out of the dining room windows during dinner and saw deep darkness, I realized how utterly depressed it made me feel. I have never been a night person, and I'm not looking forward to winter's darkness.

Taking the time to take photographs makes me very happy. As long as I have a camera on me, there are pictures to take. I need to devote more time to this.

The cumulative dark events of this year in my life have worn me down. It has been a year of tragic losses, of set backs, of injuries and ill-health. I'm not sure if it's because winter is coming, or because I'm concerned that the new year won't be better, or because I'm tired, or because I'm having new realizations about what it is to live without my parents, but I'm finding myself more worn down by it all than I usually am. I know I'll shake this, but it's a heavy load just now.

Morning glories continue to thrive, even once the nights get cold and the days get short.

Falling

2010-10-07T17:04:00.005-04:00

I don't get much time in here these days; I suppose the way to say it is that I don't manage to make the time to get here. I know well enough by now that blogging goes in cycles but I'm curious to see this time if I manage to ramp back up, or not.

But meanwhile.

The things left blooming in the garden are valiant, gorgeous, lonely, and ephemeral. I'd like to spend these days out there with my camera, but settle for a few moments stolen now and then (although I need to remember, again, to always have a camera with me). It hasn't managed for the past week or so to ever get as warm as the forecast predicts, so we're left under-dressed and shivery -- very fall-en indeed.

Tomorrow we make the trip into Boston to take Dean to Children's Hospital; another boy at school accidentally slid into Dean's ankle during a recess soccer game last week and Dean's been in a cast and on crutches since. I've seen more of the local emergency room this year than I'd like, certainly. Anyway, they weren't sure in the ER if he'd broken the growth plate in his foot and so tomorrow we see a specialist and find out for sure. All hopes are pinned on *not broken.*

I do find it odd that the parent of the child involved never called to see how Dean was doing. If my child had accidentally sent another child to the ER I'd certainly have made the call -- all the more so if I saw the child on crutches the next day. What do you think is wrong with people? We know it was an accident, but wouldn't the decent thing to do be to call? Or is it just me? I often enough find that I seem to live by some ancient code that no one else follows....

Oh, and I need to do something with all the basil before we get a hard frost and it's gone.

City

2010-09-27T07:27:00.004-04:00

Boston, specifically, with a few minutes to wander after my dental appointment.

This pretty planet

2010-09-16T17:13:00.002-04:00

Do you know this song?

this pretty planet
spinning through space
you're a garden
you're a harbor
you're holy place
golden sun going down
gentle blue giant
spin us around
all through the night
safe till the morning light

It's sung as a round -- it's my most favorite song that we sing at school. I searched to find a recording or video of it to share with you; the one I'm sending you to is one of the least "professional" of the bunch but since it's school kids singing it sounds most the way I love to hear it.

2010-09-12T09:06:00.001-04:00

The mushrooms we saw on our hike in the local state forest. Can't imagine that they aren't magical, somehow.

Wings

2010-09-05T15:42:00.005-04:00

All summer, Dean has been keeping the hummingbird feeder filled (one part sugar to four parts water; boil to dissolve sugar and cool completely), and the hummingbirds have been visiting regularly. I'm not sure if we have one mating pair -- I know there are two regular visitors and one has the clear coloring of a male ruby-throated humming bird and I am guessing that this is his mate -- or if we have more than that.

I finally managed to get out with my camera today while this one was feeding, but it wasn't easy to catch her.

We're going to see if we can plant more things that will attract even more hummingbirds, or maybe even hang a few more feeders. Anyone have any advice about this? Are more feeders likely to bring more visitors, or do we need more plants?

And in an entirely different category of wings, I can tell you that my brother Tony makes the very best chicken wings in the whole, wide world.

Here's his recipe:

2 lbs. chicken wings (prepped with the wing tip removed and discarded and the wings cut apart at the joint)
1 or 2 whole limes, juiced
About 3 ounces of Frank's Original Red Hot Sauce (we'd like to suggest that you really do use Frank's -- first of all, because it has a very nice flavor without the kind of keister-kicking heat of Tabasco and these wings are tasty even for people who don't want the big heat hurt*, and second of all because Tony is employed by the parent company)
3 or 4 cloves of garlic, minced
About half a cup of chopped fresh cilantro
[You will also need your favorite BBQ sauce, about 3/4ths of a cup, but you don't need it until you're ready to grill -- don't add it to the marinade.)

Rinse the wings and set aside. Combine ingredients (but NOT the bbq sauce) either in a shallow container with a lid or a zip-top plastic bag, and squish/swirl around. Feel free to play it loose and easy with the amounts of ingredients -- more of whatever you like (but probably not less of where you start from). Place wings in with the mixture, swirl to coat, and refrigerate 24 to 48 hours (you can also freeze the whole batch at this point to cook at a later date -- just defrost first). If possible, swirl 'em around or flip 'em a couple of times during the marinading time.

Drain wings and discard marinade. Grill over low heat, turning once or twice, for about 25 minutes. Turn heat up a bit and coat the wings with the BBQ sauce.
*At this point, if you do want heat to your wings, you can add hot sauce to the BBQ sauce.

Slowly cook the wings with the BBQ sauce on them, turning once, so that the sauce cooks and forms a nice crust on the wings -- don't just put the BBQ sauce on and then pull them off the grill, but watch carefully so they don't burn. We like ours with corn on the cob and grilled red potatoes. Yum.

Earl-y

2010-09-03T14:36:00.003-04:00

So, we're expecting a bit of Hurricane Earl to pass by this way. We live about 45 miles inland, and from the reports it appears that Earl will veer off to sea, so it's looking as though the only event for us will be a very windy night. We've got a few raindrops coming down intermittently, but nothing to send us scurrying out for milk and water and bread and batteries, or anything like that. We did rearrange our deck furniture, our tomato and basil porch pots, the wind chimes and the hummingbird feeder, but that's about it.

Hope it is as relatively manageable for everyone.

Meanwhile, a little catch-up:

Last weekend we headed out to see our local football club (OK, soccer to the MLS fans), the New England Revolution, get ultimately trounced by the Philadelphia Union. The Revs have been beset by injuries -- a common theme with all New England sports teams these days -- but we will had a great night out and felt good about supporting the team. People complain that there are so few stadiums actually built for soccer (Gillette Stadium here is the home of the New England Patriots -- American football team), but no one is going to build facilities if people aren't buying tickets and going to games.

And may I say that it's beginning to look ever so slightly like Christmas? At least that is to say I am making a start on some gifts with the hopes of having some handmade aspects to the holiday this year.
The cotton zippered bag is lined; it isn't necessary for the fleece one. Thinking about what else should be on my to-make list.

Keep a hand open

2010-08-30T17:12:00.003-04:00

At school, we always begin our new year meetings (the faculty and staff) with time going around the circle for each person to say something about her summer. It used to be that this was free-form -- just a chance to share and catch up with your colleagues.

I forgot, as I was thinking the evening beforehand about what I'd say, that our new head of school puts parameters around it -- what inspired you to set a new personal goal this summer? what one highlight resonates in a way that will carry through as an inspiration of hope for the year? I'll simply say that I prefer the old way.

Anyway, there I was, listening to what colleagues had to say and not having a whiff of an idea what I'd say when it got to me.

Out of some deep place inside my consciousness, something like this came out:

We had a horrific start to our summer, after having had an awful year. Things just kept getting worse before they got better at all.

But what I realize about myself, about our family of three, is that we've come through all of these experiences having somehow found the way to be able to hold tragedy in one hand -- to be able to hold it, to be brave enough to open up our hand and look right at it, and to be able to find the way to process it so that we figure out what pieces of it we really do need to hold on to and what pieces of it we can finally let go of. And somehow, miraculously, we also discovered that at the same time in our other hand we can still hold joy. And we can celebrate and honor and hold on to that joy in a way that's much deeper and more meaningful for having that other hand of sorrow and grief. That, ultimately, the real tragedy is in allowing both hands to be filled with sorrow, and not leaving a hand open to joy.

For me, the wonder and delight of our summer is that we've had a summer that we can all look back on with a great deal of joy.
~~~~
Always keep a hand open to joy.

Not conceding

2010-08-30T07:03:00.002-04:00

I know that there are some sports, some contests in which it is considered in good form to concede before the match is over -- that, rather than playing it out to the bitter end, you are supposed to graciously accept that you cannot win and concede your loss. As much as I try to be a good sport, and person of graciousness, I struggle a little with that concept. Aren't you always supposed to try, right up until the end? Never surrender?

I am trying to figure out to be gracious about today. I have to go back to work today, and I do not want to. I do not want to concede that my summer is over. I do not want to call this the start of the new school year. I am hiding behind Dean, given that the official kids-return start of school isn't for another 10 days. If he's still on summer vacation, then I can live through him a little, even as I sit through a week of meetings.

We took every pleasure where we could this summer, Dean and I. Turning a trip to the car dealership for repairs into an excuse for Frappucinos and cinnamon-y breakfast cakes. Stopping spontaneously to bowl a frame after buying a new pair of soccer cleats. Sleeping in, staying up late, reading a good book straight through.

We took Ken along for the ride when he could break away from work, including a trip to Boston for a Cirque du Soleil show.

We've got a few more things up our collective short sleeves before we call this one done. Maybe I should put a little sand in my shoes before I put them on this morning, just to help me keep pretending.

The long version

2010-08-24T10:05:00.012-04:00

I am in the unfortunate habit of rushing everything. On the chances I get to post here, I'm always giving the quick version just to get something down, just to get something done. But I regret that rush-rush-rush all the time, and think about how much I enjoy Natalie's posts with her careful storytelling and generous sharing of pictures. So with Natalie as my guide and model (which is true in so many ways!), I undertake telling you a long story, with many photos.

My beloved brother Tony and his wife Carol (also beloved), generously spent their summer vacation week here with us. It's not cheap to fly from southern Missouri to Boston, and they don't get a lot of vacation time. In a year where the importance of family is in such high relief, it made more difference than I can say to have them here.

Tony's first brilliant idea of the trip was to rent kayaks on a local pond. Do you ever feel totally delighted and chagrined to find out after years and years that there are wonderful things to do in your own backyard that you don't discover until someone comes to visit?

With the five of us, we rented two doubles and one single, and took turns in each boat. Everyone particularly loved the single -- it was the highest quality boat, for one thing, and being able to just propel yourself around was exhilarating.
Here are Tony and Dean in their twin hats, getting the feel of the boat.

Ken and Dean, with Ken (in my opinion) doing his best officer-of-the-law imitation.
Now you can see why kayaks have been added to our wish list, even though it will mean having to clear out the garage to make space to store them.

Ken turned 51 during the week and his birthday was the only day he could take off from work, unfortunately. His heart's desire was mini golf, and

homemade chocolate cupcakes. Easy wishes to fulfill.

The rest of us spent a day tooling around Boston, walking the waterfront

and stopping for ice creams at the Public Gardens. Tony and Carol, although both native Chicagoans like me, are not city people. They enjoyed the bits of sightseeing but preferred to get away from the throngs whenever possible. Again, being local, I forget the impact of being able to point to a church and comment off-handedly that Benjamin Franklin was baptized there.

We took off mid-week on a road trip up to the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Carol loves waterfalls, and even in the dog days of a hot summer there was still plenty of big water running up there. Our first stop was Flume Gorge at Franconia Notch State Park, where the water was big but so were the crowds.

Worth it, though, for the breathtaking walk up through the gorge, cooled by the running water and deep shade.

No, this is NOT Mount Washington (on day two, when we *should* have been able to see it, it was hiding behind the skirts of a morning fog), but can you see the profile of Washington in the mountain top on the left?

Dean was our expert guide here; last month was his hiking trip up to the Lonesome Lake hut. He was the one who guided us in the big choice of coming up here in the first place and we would have bought him a beer for the good tip (but got him a box of maple sugar candy instead).

A geology and animal behavior lesson. While they also managed to log an inordinate number of hours on the Wii together, Tony and Dean shared their love of the outdoors, of hiking, of animals and nature. The balance of Dean's local knowledge against Tony's vast years of experience (but all in the Midwest) gave them so many opportunities to compare notes and deepen their close relationship. It's hard having family so far away -- we only see them every few years -- but turned out to be pretty easy to catch up on lost time.

We spent some time on the Appalacian Trail,

and while we're very used to the word "trail" being applied to places that look like this, Tony and Carol were fairly shocked -- no clear walkway to be seen so it takes the skill of watching carefully for trail markers to avoid getting lost in the woods.

And also the good sense to take them at their word and turn around at the appropriate points.

No sense of loss, though, in turning back sometimes, given how much is accessible with moderate effort.
It would have been nice to have a whole week up here, so that there was never a need to hurry anyone away from their explorations and thoughts; maybe next summer?

I managed to say only a few, well-timed "be careful's" and to let Dean explore, crossing back and forth across running water.

And fortunately we never needed the spare pair of dry shoes (or dry clothing) from the car. Dean is gazing up at the next stretch of the trail; we didn't continue that loop because we didn't have the time and the terrain was beyond what Tony could handle given that he just had knee replacement surgery 8 months ago.

But again, it didn't feel that we were missing out in any way, and each trek we managed to time so that we had the falls to ourselves -- meeting others only on our way back out.

Including the kind of fellow hikers who are happy to take your picture for you!

The evening included pizza for dinner and a pool lesson as well (more good ideas on Tony's part),

with amazing local ice cream for dessert.
Are you thinking what I was thinking? I couldn't resist the temptation to check it out, just to be sure. I could imagine some horse lovers in New Hampshire deciding against the glue factory when the time came, but it turned out to be the Wallace C. Horse memorial cemetery instead.

And like trying to hold the cold mountain water in your hands the week slipped away.

I read an article recently about the superiority of experiences over "stuff," when you have the opportunities to make that choice. And my piece is that the experiences can be very local, no matter where you are; I imagine there could be some nearby gems that you've yet to discover. The whole staycation thing. Count me in, and come visit me any time you'd like for your own chance at some of these wonders.

A boy's life

2010-08-13T08:43:00.002-04:00

Our favorite local mini-golf place was lovingly carved out of an existing dairy farm by the farmer's son, who was looking for ways to keep the property in the family and to keep the farm open. The course is beautiful, and lovingly landscaped in ways that pay homage to farming in New England. And it doesn't hurt that the ice cream there is outstanding.
Dean suggests that next season we keep track of our scores across all games played, to crown one grand master at the end. My suggestion was that we not keep score at all anymore, given that we're all now playing at an equal level and games generally end with no more than one or two strokes separating first from third. I'm fine either way, just as long as we're getting in as many games as we can. We might even head out again today.
The other current favorite outdoor activity is shooting Dean's bb-gun on our home range. I appreciate the fact that allowing a child to use a gun of any kind is not everyone's cup of tea. Dean's was a gift from his uncle, my brother Tony -- a responsible, dedicated outdoorsman who does bring home a deer or two during the season (which he is able to process completely -- tenderloins for the freezer, sausages, home smoked jerky) and who believes that teaching children gun safety is vastly superior to leaving guns a mystery (since that's what can lead to tragedies should an unprepared kid come into contact with a gun at some point).

We're super, super careful. Dean's wearing safety glasses, which you may not be able to see, the course is set up to avoid both anyone's walking in the area as well as to ensure no stray bbs do any harm (it's a mile of wooded conservation land with no public access beyond the target), and the procedure of safety on/barrel up is followed after every shot. And the reality is that the archery set that we have and use is actually the more potentially lethal (although of course THAT has all it's own safety rules as well).

So here we are, getting the most out of these last few weeks of summer -- made s'mores for dessert this week and looking forward to more badminton this weekend. My brother Tony and his wife arrive tomorrow from southern Missouri for a week's visit and we're planning to do some kayaking on a local lake as well as show them around Boston. Things just keep getting better.

In which we grasp at "summer"

2010-08-04T16:37:00.003-04:00

I accept that I will never cease to be amazed at how quickly time goes. Whoosh! There it goes again!
"Summer," that word that used to mean an endless string of lazy days and of mini golf and ice cream and the beach and sunscreen and bare feet and nothing in particular that had to be done -- well that word now seems to mean something entirely different. Something too much like more of the same but with hotter weather.

We've done what we could to make it mean vacation and family. Dean and I took a trip to Chicago to visit with some of my family and see the sights and enjoy each other's company (poor Ken had to work).

(Chicagoans call it "The Bean" but the artist called it "Cloud Gate.")

And real cloud gates! Our gorgeous view one morning from the top of the John Hancock Tower, when the clouds descended to street level and showed us a sea of buildings, bobbing up above the surface.

I'm sorry, but there IS no better place in all the world to watch a major league baseball game than Wrigley Field. We call it The Friendly Confines for good reason -- this gem of a ballpark fills, on a weekday (and every day) for a team that hasn't won The Series in, um, a while (OK, 102 years but who's counting?). It fills with fans who share the love, even with fans from the opposing team (I can tell you that you do NOT want to openly express support for the opposing team when you're at Fenway here in Boston.) Not an inappropriate word was said within our earshot (again, a refreshing change from Fenway) and no, we didn't really care that our Cubbies didn't win (not too much).

(Behind Dean, up at street level across the river, they were filming Transformers III.)

I am very happy when I am home. In Chicago. No matter how much changes, I still know this place as I know no other place.

And this past weekend our niece was married. I took a gazillion pictures, but I'll share this one for now -- they got married on the grounds of a golf club and here you see them having fun with their photographer. It was an intense, emotional day; Lori was missing in person but entirely there in spirit.
We thoroughly enjoyed the day, which couldn't have been more ideal -- low 70s, sea breeze, abundant sunshine. Seeing all our friends and relations for a happy occasion was cathartic, even though we all had to choke back tears from time to time.

For now I simply leave you with this incredibly good piece of advice, courtesy of Lincoln Park Zoo. Natalie has me hungry for a road trip which is an entirely different and wonderful kind of summer phrase; we just might have something up our sleeves (if we had any) in that regard.

The first 10 that came to mind

2010-07-14T13:21:00.002-04:00

In no particular order, some particular summertime pleasures:

Sleeping in
Waking to birdsong
Arnold Palmers (that is, ice tea and lemonade, mixed about half and half, over ice)
Music from an ice cream truck
Feeling lazy, and being lazy
When the heat breaks, just before rain comes
Grilling a simple dinner
Badminton on the front lawn
Sprinklers
Staying up late to stargaze

I'm wondering what's on your list, and thinking about my friends on the other side of the world who are basking in their own particular wintertime pleasures at the moment....

Happy Trails!

2010-07-13T09:30:00.002-04:00

Admittedly not my finest photographic effort, but here's a look at Dean from 7:30 this morning -- making final adjustments to his gear before packing up and heading out. He's going on a hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail in New Hampshire's White Mountains for 4 days and 3 nights, along with 9 classmates and 2 teachers from school. Although he has a "no-nonsense, and don't take too long taking this picture" look on his face, he was so eager to get going this morning.

If you've been along on the journey here for a while, you know that this is a pretty major breakthrough. Dean hasn't been interested in leaving home during the summers, preferring day camps and being at home. It was hard for me to accept this -- much as I adore him and having him at home -- because my summers were all spent at summer camps where I'd be for weeks, camping in the woods and miles away from home and I always felt he was missing out.

But in typical Dean fashion, when he's ready to do something he's all over it, and this was a perfect opportunity to go with an outdoor expert (one of his teachers is a certified Appalachian Mountain Club guide), with people he knows and trusts. I'm so proud of him, and am looking forward to his return home with all the stories he'll have to tell.

S'mores. We'll have s'mores for dessert when he gets home Friday night.

Always something to smile about on a summer Friday

2010-07-09T16:05:00.002-04:00

Hello.

Thanks so very, very much for the kind words and support. We are doing our best to take our time, breathe deeply, support each other, and find joy where ever we can.

This photo of Ken and Dean isn't super current -- a trip to a local Mexican restaurant at the end of May -- but it's sort of just quintessentially them, and us; we're savoring little events like this to lift our spirits.

Friends of ours in Ireland were kind enough to send Dean the World Cup insert from their Sunday paper a few weeks ago. Here's Dean, really the moment he opened it, filling in all the results to-date. It was wonderful to see him learn right away how to do all the math calculations to know which teams had to do what (win, by how many goals, while that team ties or that team loses by two) in order to get out of the group stage. He's faithfully kept the chart up each day, and now we're poised for the last two matches this weekend.

Spain, being the team of our beloved Fernando Torres, was our top pick all along (since we knew in our hearts that the US wouldn't be advancing to the finals this time). Although he's had a tough tournament, the team has been brilliant and we're hoping for a win on Sunday. We'd like to see Uruguay take 3rd. With Ken's being of Dutch descent, we had a fondness for the Netherlands team until we saw them play -- WAAAAY too much flopping for our taste, and overall we just aren't as enamored of their style of play.

I tell you, I don't know what I would have done to get through the days if we didn't have the World Cup to occupy us. Viva la futbol!

This morning, after I dropped Dean and two friends off for their last day at zoo camp, I drove past a family that was clearly packing up the car to leave on vacation. It made me so happy to see them, getting the last of the gear stowed and full of anticipation for where ever they were going. It's lovely to let someone else's joy be contagious.

I would like to turn a corner

2010-07-02T07:38:00.002-04:00

I would very much like to leave the sorrow of the first half of this year behind me now, and move on to a period that is, at the very least, uneventful.

Last week, I lost my very dear friend, my confidante, Dean's beloved aunt and godmother, Lori. She was killed as a result of a gas explosion in her home; the resulting fire leveled the place. Her wonderful daughter, our niece Hallie, is getting married at the end of this month -- she's going ahead with the wedding because Lori would have wanted that, and because I think having something, something happy, to keep her occupied is helping in some way to navigate through this grief.

I don't know how common propane tanks are in the rest of the U.S. or elsewhere in the world. For homes built in areas where there are no natural gas pipelines, one can choose to have propane gas tanks to fuel a gas stove, a hot water heater, and sometimes the heating system for a home. We don't have any kind of gas in our home; Ken has always been steadfastly against it.

But it's common in New Hampshire, where Lori lived. PLEASE -- if you or anyone you know has any kind of gas service at home, remember that if you even think you might smell gas just leave immediately (don't touch anything!) and call the fire department. Feel foolish if you must, but be safe. Don't dismiss it, don't wait until tomorrow to have it checked out.

Lori was effusive and generous with her love. She never, ever missed a chance to say, "I love you!" and if you managed to be the one to say it to her first she'd reply, "I love you more!" She was kind, thoughtful, thorough, and brave. She'd been through so very much in her life, and all of it made her stronger. She didn't waste time on regrets or indecision. She never missed a birthday or holiday.

There will never be another like her.

Dimensional changes may occur

2010-06-17T16:41:00.002-04:00

I was shopping for a new bathroom rug (the small kind that you put down in front of the tub) and reading care labels to make sure I could machine wash whichever one I purchased. I laughed out loud when I read, "Machine wash cold; Dry Flat. Dimensional changes may occur." OH! -- this thing is going to shrink! Too funny. Or, perhaps too sad -- do they think that they are pulling one over on the consumer? Can't anyone just be honest anymore?

Oh well. I'm in the midst of doing battle with a very ferocious head cold that's trying to turn into pneumonia. I've completely lost my voice and can only keep myself upright a few hours a day. I've still had to go in to work because it's been so busy; I feel terrible about having to give school tours in a hoarse whisper (and the coughing attack just as one family was leaving this morning was quite mortifying, but I think they still liked the school). Apparently the rabies vaccinations so over-taxed my immune system that I was an easy target for some nasty bug. I know I'll get through this but it's a little hard to see the light at the moment.

And Christmas. What about Christmas gift-making as a year-round activity? I look at my half-finished project from January and hope I can make amends this summer.